Not a single victim of the flooding mentioned malevolence on the part of the Israeli military or Netanyahu-led government. Yavne, November 9 – The first major rainfall of the season struck the plains west of Jerusalem last week, resulting in ...
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Feed SubscriptionDespite Industry’s Failures In 2016, 2020, Abbas Trusts Polls Showing He Better Not Call Elections Ever
“The will of the people is dangerous to our careers.” Ramallah, November 5 – The President of the Palestinian Authority believes public opinion surveys showing the deep unpopularity of him personally and of his governing faction among Palestinians, even though ...
Read More »Only Four Years Until The Most Important Election Of Our Lifetime Again
By Every Single Goddamn Person Involved in American Politics Washington, November 5 – It’s over. Or it’s just beginning. However you experience the aftermath of this exhausting election, we must all take a step back, take a deep breath, and ...
Read More »Man Can Argue Regardless Of Who Won, Election Results Prove Jews Control US
He had already blamed the Jews for the violence that has characterized the 2020 elections campaign, taking care to point to evidence that Jews bear responsibility for both left- and right-wing violence. Caldwell, November 4 – Last night’s presidential contest ...
Read More »Scientists Glimpse Israeli Genocide Of Palestinians In Other Universe Where It Actually Happened
Analysts differ on which Nobel Prize the discovery merits: physics, peace, or literature. Cambridge, MA, November 3 – Researchers reported this week they have managed what many are calling a tantalizing look into a long-theorized dimension of existence outside our own, in ...
Read More »Daylight Saving Time Screws Up Accuracy Of Moses’s Firstborn-Death Prediction
Heavenly sources emphasized that Moses himself bears no responsibility for the mishap. Thebes, April 2 – Heavenly sources confessed embarrassment this morning following a perceived one-hour delay in the mass-killing of Egypt’s firstborn sons, which in fact took place at ...
Read More »Commission: Israel Not Truly Jewish State Without 2nd Knesset MKs Don’t Attend
“I might also point out that certain government-run institutions have an unfortunate reputation for punctuality.” Jerusalem, October 29 – A governmental fact-finding committee on the relationship between state and religion published its findings today following two years of research into ...
Read More »BDS Claims Credit For Absence Of Concerts In Israel During COVID
Barghouti paused for several seconds, then continued. “What’s the opposite of impotence?” Tel Aviv, October 29 – Bloomfield Stadium in this teeming Israeli city hosts concerts in addition to its everyday function as an elite soccer venue, but the raging ...
Read More »Mideasterners Relieved Not To Have Elections In Which Russia Can Interfere
“Those Zionists can keep their democracy. I’m still going to bash them for depriving Palestinians of democracy, though.” Cairo, October 28 – Citizens and residents of numerous states in the Levant and beyond voiced a sense of having dodged a ...
Read More »Our Situation Is So Desperate, We Refuse To Sacrifice Anything To Save Ourselves
By Mahmoud Abbas, President, Palestinian Authority; Chairman, Palestine Liberation Organization Ramallah, October 27 – The Palestinian national movement has seldom seen darker days. Arab nation after Arab nation has announced normalization with the Zionist entity, even as our cause languishes ...
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