Despite initial assessments that his political cowardice would only suffice for a single truncated term. Jerusalem, December 9 – In what observers are hailing as a modern-day Festival of Lights miracle, Prime Minister Binyamin Netnanyahu has succeeded in taking the ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionChef Filling Sufganiyot With Mercury Suspects Exotic Bakery Competitiveness Going Too Far
“What’s next, lava? Little pockets of sulfuric acid?” Jerusalem, December 8 – A worker at one of Israel’s prominent bakery and confection chains voiced concern today, as he injected a doughnut with an expensive, dangerous substance, that perhaps there exists ...
Read More »Palestinians Insist Original Mysterious Monolith Theirs But Jews Stole It
“Yet another instance of Zionists usurping our national heritage.” Ramallah, December 7 – The bizarre story of a series of metallic standing stones that appear and then disappear in various places around the world – first in Utah, then California, ...
Read More »Stop Misinterpreting The ‘From The River To The Sea’ Call For Genocide As A Call For Genocide
by Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib (D-MI) Washington, December 3 – A few days ago I felt compelled to remove a message I reposted from elsewhere on Twitter, a message that contained the oft-repeated slogan of Palestinian national liberation, “From the River ...
Read More »Veil Maker: Antisemites Trying To Mask Hate The Only Reason Business Afloat
“They appear to believe that the veil prevents all and sundry from perceiving them as the antisemites they are.” London, December 3 – One of the few remaining manufacturers of formal garments to cover part of the wearer’s head, out of modesty, privacy, or ...
Read More »Iran Printers See Dwindling Demand For ‘Nuclear Scientist’ Business Cards
Previous customers remain unavailable for inquiries into the phenomenon. Tehran, December 2 – Entrepreneurs in this city’s document production and processing industry have noticed a sharp dropoff in the number of customers who seek to advertise expertise in the field ...
Read More »Clorox, Olin Vie For Priestly Vestment Laundry Contract
A separate tender features numerous garment and fashion industry entities vying to provide the garments themselves. Oakland, December 1 – Some of the world’s largest bleach and garment-cleanser detergent manufacturers submitted proposals this week to the Temple Institute, a small, Jerusalem-based ...
Read More »Man Insists 1,223,427th Attempt To Mix Religion, Politics Won’t Be Total Debacle
1,223,427 “learning experiences.” Jerusalem, November 30 – A lawmaker for one of Israel’s many parliamentary factions insisted today that following anticipated elections next year, his party will embark on yet another effort to bend the country’s institutions to better suit ...
Read More »Twitter Fails To Apply ‘Disputed’ Label To Mother-In-Law’s ‘World’s Best Brownies’ Claim
“I even offered to send Jack Dorsey samples to prove it, but nothing.” Bat-Yam, November 26 – Sources close to the father of a local family reported today that he has yet to receive an explanation from the social media ...
Read More »Saudi Arabia, UAE, Bahrain Denounce Israel’s Ties With ‘Racist, Islamophobic’ Europe, US
“The soft bigotry of low expectations that Muslims face in Europe, the US, and the West in general is not something we want to encourage.” Riyadh, November 26 – Persian Gulf states in the process of rapprochement with the Jewish ...
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