“I’ve gotten my friends to give him the silent treatment, but some of them don’t understand the seriousness of the situation, and they’re lax about it, or don’t adhere to it when they think I’m not paying attention.” Giv’atayim, September ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionIt’s Harder To Instill Jew-Hate In My Students Via Zoom
by Hassan Kiswani, Palestinian educator Jenin, September 2 – Coronavirus has upended routine in numerous ways, chief among them the regular attendance of children at school or childcare. Teachers, parents, and students throughout the world struggle this week to resume ...
Read More »After Erekat On Diplomacy, Harvard Taps Madoff To Teach Accounting
Mr. Madoff is slated to deliver his lectures via Zoom from federal prison. Cambridge, Massachusetts, September 1 – One of the nation’s leading educational institutions followed up its hiring last week of a prominent Palestinian diplomat, with nothing to show ...
Read More »Progressive Jews Puzzled By Isaiah Foreseeing Jewish Prayer On Temple Mount
“Awkward, especially when we’re trying to ingratiate ourselves to other progressive activist groups.” New York, August 31 – Preparations for the upcoming High Holidays in numerous progressive synagogues and temples have prompted more anxiety in 2020 than in years past, ...
Read More »Hipster Terrorist Insists Was Just Stabbing Jews Ironically
Police and prosecution officials expect the case to go to trial, at which they will seek an ironic sentence of life imprisonment. Petach Tikva, August 26 – The Palestinian killer of a 46-year-old Israeli father of four claimed today that ...
Read More »Palestinian ‘Days Since Last Missed Opportunity’ Sign Again Reset To Zero
The forty-ninth week in a row that the number has failed to break out of single digits. Ramallah, August 27 – Inspectors replaced the digit today on a placard that tracks the time since the Palestinian leadership has squandered a chance to ...
Read More »If Gov’t Falls, Gantz Vows Alternative Elections
An alternative to the ones that would inevitably return Mr. Netanyahu to the helm of yet another lame-duck government unable to form a stable, lasting coalition. Jerusalem, August 26 – Alternative Prime Minister Benny Gantz promised today that in keeping ...
Read More »Lockdown: Mosquito Also Sick Of Your Family
She conducted at least two raids to obtain blood from human capillaries, one of which proved successful. Jerusalem, August 25 – An insect forced to spend all of its life in the confines of a residence where a single family ...
Read More »IDF Shooting Airborne Children’s Toys In, Around Gaza
The destruction also targets condoms, a move that human rights groups characterize as an Israeli effort to spread sexually-transmitted diseases in Gaza. Gaza Envelope, August 24 – Israel’s military keeps taking aim at Palestinian toys for children and using either bullets or lasers ...
Read More »We Will Recognize Israel In Exchange For Destroying Israel
by Javad Zarif, Minister of Foreign Affairs, Islamic Republic of Iran Tehran, August 21 – Diplomacy and politics are all about compromise. Both arts require flexibility, creative thinking, and efforts to craft win-win situations in which all parties to the ...
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