“Everything is a goddamn polka.” Tehran, July 15 – The Islamic Republic’s ongoing security debacles continued Wednesday with reports that the regime’s main military and strategic arm finds itself in the midst of a communications breakdown as a result of ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionBy ‘From The River To The Sea Palestine Will Be Free’ I Obviously Mean ‘The 1967 Lines’
by Saeb Erekat Ramallah, July 14 – Don’t believe the Zionist apologist distortions of the English language. Trust me, when we Palestinians repeat as we always have that only an Arab Muslim state is acceptable between the Jordan and Mediterranean, ...
Read More »Fall Sessions In Doubt, School Shooter Forced To Plan House-By-House Route
“I need a Plan A and a Plan, B,” muttered the bullying victim and introvert son of a single mother. Caldwell, NJ, July 13 – A troubled adolescent who intends to massacre students, faculty, staff, and anyone who tries to ...
Read More »Church Wonders How Many Liberal Jews Would Convert If Christ Recast As ‘Anti-Zionism’
Cardinal Pedro Beinardo heads the commission. Rome, July 9 – Leaders of the world’s largest Christian denomination have commissioned a study to determine whether the body’s ages-old ambition to convince adherents of the Mosaic faith to accept Jesus of Nazareth ...
Read More »Mythic Countries Of Wakanda, Narnia, Palestine Get New Neighbor In Leftist Imagination: Pre-Netanyahu Israel
“It belongs much more in our comic-book, cartoon-show milieu than in anything resembling human reality.” Somewhere in the Levant, July 9 – Realms located in the world of the imaginary such as Middle Earth, Krypton, and Eternia gained a new member ...
Read More »COVID Guidelines Almost As Coherent As Case For Palestinian Statehood
“We find slightly more support for the idea that Israel should rely on existential enemies to help guarantee its security.” Jerusalem. July 8 – Ministry of Health pronouncements governing public behavior during the current second wave of the coronavirus pandemic ...
Read More »2050: Annexation To Happen Any Day Now, Assures Bibi
“I think he means it,” argued Yesha Freier of the nationalist Jewish Right at Home Party. Jerusalem, 7 July 2050 – Israel’s prime minister sought today to allay his political base’s fears that the much-anticipated application of Israeli law to certain parts ...
Read More »Mossad Hints At Responsibility For Gas Buildup In Ayatollah’s Gut
Security stinks. Tel Aviv, July 6 – Offhand comments by senior Israeli intelligence officials today appeared to allude to an element of Israel’s alleged ongoing operations inside the Islamic republic of Iran to degrade that foe’s weapons capability across the ...
Read More »At Our ‘Day Of Rage’ Gathering We Almost Had A Minyan To Say Kaddish For Terrorists
by Yonah Lieberman, If Not Now New York, July 3 – Yesterday’s series of protests in solidarity with Palestine and against Israeli annexation of Palestinian land attracted so many attendees that at our best-attended event, in Philadelphia, we could almost ...
Read More »Nation That Colonized Half Of World Warns Jews Not To Assert Control Over Own Homeland
UK and EU opposition, though by no means unified, comes against the backdrop of two thousand years of European and other dominant powers trying to prevent Jewish sovereignty anywhere. London, July 2 – A country that maintained a globe-spanning empire ...
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