PreOccupied Territory The News In Advance. Barely.

Suspension of the organized protests does not mean Hamas or its Islamist allies in the Gaza Strip will suspend other attempts to kill Jews. Gaza City, December 31 – The militant Islamist group that governs this coastal territory announced this week it has ...

“As a nation we must join in decrying stabbing, whether occur via fish fork, hunting knife, Swiss Army knife, crochet hook, or even scalpel.” New York, December 30 – Prominent Jewish groups all over the United States reacted over the ...

by Marwan Barghouti Kishon Prison, December 26 – Much has changed since our beloved Raïs passed away in 2004, some of which he would appreciate, and some of which he would decry. But perhaps the most important thing the legendary ...

“If I didn’t know any better I’d wager these parents don’t expect the child to live out a full complement of years.” Bethlehem, Judea, December 26 – A man who agreed to circumcise the newborn son of a couple in ...

The decrease allows him to devote attention to other, more Christian-populous areas such as Latin America. North Pole, December 25 – The personality responsible for distributing Yuletide gifts to children of the faith worldwide on this date confessed today he ...

Each one interpreting the Hanukkah story in keeping with his or her rhetorical or political sympathies. Jerusalem, December 24 – Figures from across the political spectrum joined today in the venerable festive practice of characterizing opponents as latter-day manifestations of ...

Tel Aviv, Israel’s answer to the seedier parts of Queens. Jerusalem, December 23 – Festivities surrounding the inauguration last night of a non-stop rail line between the country’s capital and its largest city on the coastal plain left a sour ...

The discovery will not change official Palestinian plans. Bethlehem, Palestinian Authority, December 19 – Nonplussed community and government officials expressed puzzlement and surprise today upon encountering the fact that the public display of yuletide symbols includes no traditional elements geared ...

Police will reassign officers who until now have guarded synagogues, yeshivas, and other Jewish community institutions. Paris, December 19 – The government of President Emmanuel Macron made a formal commitment today to safeguard the one Jewish grave marker in the ...

by Rabbi Jill Jacobs, Truah Rabbis EDITOR’S NOTE: The putative author of this opinion piece thinks you’re too stupid to realize its satirical nature and that it does not reflect her actual views. She did not, in fact, write this. ...