PreOccupied Territory The News In Advance. Barely.

Jerusalem, March 18 – Dear Diary, The situation continues to look grim. Our stocks of precious toilet paper look visibly diminished – we may have only seventeen rolls remaining – and Rose continues to obsess about running out of toothpaste. ...

The National Guard imposed the siege despite a complete lack of rockets, incendiary balloons, attack tunnels, and other military threats. New Rochelle, New York, March 17 – A Palestinian spending time on this side of the Atlantic found himself subject ...

No one provoking the Jews into shooting at the protesters may put everyone at risk by increasing the danger of infection. Near the Gaza-Israel border fence, March 16 – Leaders of the Islamist terrorist group that governs this coastal territory ...

A pilgrimage festival under current circumstances will prove an epidemiological nightmare. Jerusalem, March 12 – Ministering angels disclosed today that the Almighty has begun consultation with His advisory board regarding the possibility of delaying this year’s observance of the Feast of ...

Setbacks and humiliations have for some unfathomable reason not indicated that they have fallen out of divine favor, nor how they might restore that favor. Tehran, March 12 – Actions by the regime running this Islamic Republic indicate that the people in ...

“We actually see Netanyahu as lame-duck prime minister serving almost as long as he has at the head of a full-fledged government.” Tel Aviv, March 11 – Political and statistical groups confirmed today they intend to get a head start on the ...

“The two of them stared daggers at each other for a full fifteen minutes.” Ra’anana, March 10 – Students at a local high school recalled an embarrassing episode that took place on Sunday, when two of their number observed the ...

“This type of vehement response is exactly what every government should be implementing.” Bethlehem, March 9 – Failure of an effort to suppress the news of a Dutch woman subjected to repeated forced sex by a group of city residents ...

by Saeb Erekat, Chief Palestinian Negotiator Ramallah, March 5 – We Palestinians have grown tired of the contention that we demand a state with no Jews in it. Not only does it distract from the core issue of our statelessness ...

“I, too, persist in categorizing myself as indigenous to a place when in reality, my ancestors were the colonizers.” Boston, March 5 – A Massachusetts senator campaigning to become the Democratic Party’s nominee for the next US presidential election, and ...