Acknowledgement of a social reality. Jerusalem, December 4 – A movement that features doctrine, apostles, saints, a vision to transform society to conform to its tenets, and apocalyptic predictions if that vision does not become reality, has attained official status with ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed Subscription‘Land Of Milk And Honey’ Moniker On Hold As Tnuva Dairy Cartel Ceases Production To Protest Imports
“Back when the Spies thwarted a quick entry into Canaan we thought we had hit a speed bump, but the timing of this fiasco could have even more inconvenient implications.” Plains of Moab, December 3 – Repeated praise of Canaan ...
Read More »Meretz Head Demands IDF Mistreat Palestinians So His Tweets Won’t Be False
“The only way to remedy this is to transform IDF policy to match the preconceived image that dovetails with what prompts our funding sources in Europe.” Tel Aviv, December 2 – The leader of Israel’s main far-left delegation in the Knesset called ...
Read More »Rights Groups: Lack Of Palestinian Flags In Hong Kong Means They Don’t Really Want Freedom
If Palestinian flags prove hard to come by in Hong Kong, protesters could always express solidarity with Palestinians by attacking Jews. Hong Kong, November 28 – Months of pro-democracy and anti-Beijing protests in this former British possession, governed by China ...
Read More »Stop Calling Labour Antisemitic – Barely More Than Half Of Us Hate Jews
by Ann Teasemythe, party activist London, November 28 – Slander of our anti-racist political organization as racist against Jews continues despite the fact that only fifty-six percent of our members harbour such animosity towards those of the Hebrew persuasion. The ...
Read More »Study Finds Real Jews Are The Ones Who Agree With Your Politics
“Whereas previous assessments almost all relied on, or gave significant weight to, adherence to some sort of explicit ancient tradition, our model has determined those those factors are a mere distraction.” London, November 27 – Groundbreaking new research into the ...
Read More »Iran Says Unarmed Protesters Just Human Shields For Other Unarmed Protesters
“100% of the protesters and bystanders injured, arrested, or killed in these incidents had it coming, just as 100% of our population is heterosexual.” Shiraz, November 26 – Authorities in the Islamic Republic explained the large number of protester shooting ...
Read More »Bibi Agrees To Resign If Gantz, Lapid, Yaalon, Ashkenazi, Liberman Do Too
If calls for his resignation stem from genuine concern for the integrity of Israeli democracy and rule of law, and not just an opportunity to get rid of the person who stands in the way of their own designs. Jerusalem, ...
Read More »Environmentalist Joins Hobo’s ‘The End Is Nigh’ Procession
Sitting, marching, holding signs, and chanting at others about society’s imminent collapse. Tel Aviv, November 21 – An activist worried that human-driven climate change will doom civilization and disrupt the planet’s fragile ecosystems within twelve years has found a kindred ...
Read More »Missiles Hit Damascus; Syrians Agree Gender Reveals Getting Out Of Hand
“The narcissism of the era has really warped people’s common sense.” Damascus, November 21 – Israeli airstrikes hit weapons storage facilities and equipment in and around the Syrian capital two nights ago, with at least one attempted interception of an ...
Read More »