“The key is to pace yourself.” Jerusalem, August 8 – A local adolescent estimates he only has a day or two left before he reaches the goal he set in June for diminished mental capacity resulting from disuse of his ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionCorbyn Supporter Pretending To Be Jewish Almost As Convincing As William Shatner Singing ‘Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds’
He attends his “Jewish church” and quotes such famous Jewish figures as Jesus. London, August 7 – An anonymous Twitter user claiming to see eye-to-eye with the leader of the UK Labour Party on every issue, and who defends him ...
Read More »IDF To Solve Gaza Sewage Crisis By Turning Hamas Tunnels Into Cesspools
The spokesmen declined to specify whether the tunnels will be cleared of Hamas personnel beforehand. Gaza City, August 6 – A protracted ecological and health hazard may soon find resolution, Israeli military sources disclosed today, a resolution that involves redirecting ...
Read More »Quick, Check Whether Any Dayton/El Paso Dead Are Jewish So We Can Pay The Killer
by Mahmoud Abbas, President, Palestinian Authority Ramallah, August 5 – This office put out an official message of condolence to the people of the United States as soon as we heard of the mass shootings in Texas and Ohio over ...
Read More »Discreet Ear Buds A Real Boon To People Who Hate When Others Talk In Shul
Kol D’mamah Dakkah – “the sound of silence” – as the first such app is known. Giv’at Sh’muel, Aug 1 – Technological innovation has come to the synagogue in the form of wireless, hard-to-see, in-ear speakers that users can wear to ...
Read More »Arab Govt’s Cite Backwardness, Incompetence As Proof Jews Don’t Control Them
“You’ll notice Jewish control always goes hand-in-hand with a more or less functioning, accountable government.” Amman, August 1 – Rulers throughout the Middle East sought this week to assuage concerns that they serve as mere puppets in a vast Jewish ...
Read More »Falafel Joint’s Main Revenue Now From Politicians Eating There To Show Blue-Collar Solidarity
“Not an hour goes by that some aspiring Member of Knesset, mayor, city councilor, or whatever is stopping by to demonstrate he’s in touch with the common folk.” ‘Afula, July 31 – The proprietor of a deep-fried ethnic food establishment ...
Read More »Boy Suspects Brother Knows Of His ‘Phased Plan’ To Take Over Entire Bedroom
“It’s all mine. I tried to beat him up and got the crap kicked out of me, but that only proves he cheated. All four times. “ Ramat HaSharon, July 30 – A local ten-year-old voiced concern today that his fourteen-year-old ...
Read More »Anti-Zionist Hates Assumption He Antisemitic Just Because Anti-Zionism Antisemitic
“I have no problem with Jews. My problem is with Jews who try to make trouble by claiming Jews have the same rights as other nations.” New York, July 29 – An activist opposed to the existence of Israel as ...
Read More »NGOs Attend Wrong Rally, End Up Protesting Demolition Of Security Barrier
“We’re not taking money from foreign governments so we can uphold the human rights of Jews, I’ll tell you that.” Jerusalem, July 25 – A mix-up in communication this morning resulted in several groups issuing loud demands that contradict every ...
Read More »