“We’re not taking money from foreign governments so we can uphold the human rights of Jews, I’ll tell you that.” Jerusalem, July 25 – A mix-up in communication this morning resulted in several groups issuing loud demands that contradict every ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionNo Other Country Kicks Us Out When We Try To Undermine Only Israel’s Existential Legitimacy
By Kenneth Roth, Director, Human Rights Watch Our researchers should be free to conduct their observations and analysis in a country that purports to call itself democratic, but Israel’s behavior in this regard raises some disturbing questions: what does it ...
Read More »Mossad Scores Huge Haul Of Shoes From Mosque Entryway
“This is an outrage,” fumed the mosque’s chief preacher, Imam Asghar Bukhari. Jerusalem, July 24 – Israel’s secret intelligence service pulled off a massive heist of footwear here today, targeting worshipers at a Muslim house of prayer, in its ongoing ...
Read More »Britons Agree Iran Seizure Of Oil Tanker ‘Quite Rude’
“Nearly blinked when I first read of it,” recalled a man at the Piccadilly Circus tube station. London, July 23 – Citizens of the United Kingdom expressed their sentiments in unusually strong language upon learning that forces of the Islamic Republic of ...
Read More »Barak Actually Covered Face Not To Embarrass Epstein
To prevent the embarrassing discovery that the disgraced Barak has anything to do with him. New York, July 22 – New revelations in the ongoing sex trafficking and pedophilia scandal surrounding an American financier and philanthropist continue to emerge, among ...
Read More »Land Shows Objections To Jewish Control By Blooming, Flourishing Under Jewish Control
Arab residents have tried to remedy the situation with bombs and incendiary devices to set alight as much farmland and nature as possible. Kibbutz Keturah, July 18 – The sacred Islamic land of Palestine has made clear its existential revulsion for Jews ...
Read More »Labour Solution To Members’ Antisemitism Frozen In Corbynite
A spokesman for Jezza accused disgruntled former associates of contriving a rebellion within his organization’s ranks and sowing rancor to undermine his position. Tatooine-on-Thames, July 18 – Jezza the Hutt’s palace holds a commanding view over the surrounding terrain, but the ...
Read More »Audit: IDF Has No One Qualified In Weaponizing Accusations Of Antisemitism
It’s all the more mystifying considering the successful deployment of ‘Islamophobia’ in an analogous capacity. Tel Aviv, July 17 – Ministry of Defense officials expressed shock today following the publication of a report that not a single Israeli soldier has ...
Read More »In NY I’ll Have To Keep Reminding Myself I Can’t Just Jail Nosy Reporters
by Javad Zarif, Minister of Foreign Affairs, Islamic Republic of Iran Tehran, July 16 – During my current visit to the Big Apple, I will need to keep in mind that I cannot react to challenging questions from journalists by ...
Read More »Synagogue Reader Dismissed For Insisting On Pronouncing ‘GIF’ ‘Jif’
Synagogue members remain split over the wisdom or justice of Mr. Stickler’s firing. New York, July 15 – Controversy swirled in a Long Island suburb of Manhattan this weekend after a local congregation dismissed its longtime Torah-cantillation specialist for adhering to ...
Read More »