“Accepting a peace proposal places before the Palestinian people a challenge their leaders fear they cannot meet: building a society based on constructive ideals, not merely a desire to kill Jews and loot their property.” Gaza City, May 21 – Concerns over ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionPublic Aims To Keep Gov’t From Convening, Functioning, Making Things Worse
“If there’s a government, it’s going to try to govern, and that’s not a good thing. I mean, just look at the last seventy-one years.” Jerusalem, May 20 – The extended deadline for reelected Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu to form ...
Read More »Hundreds Dead After Article About Song Contest Fails To Mention Palestinians
“Something, anything to prevent the reader from getting the wrong idea that the Palestinian issue mustn’t dominate human consciousness.” Tel Aviv, May 19 – Tragedy struck the Middle East today when a careless reporter omitted the geopolitical context of an ...
Read More »Worldwide Protests Against China’s Repression Of Muslims Continue Not To Occur
Attendance at the rallies that did not take place in this timeline reached levels similar to those not seen at analogous fictional protests against Iranian meddling in Yemen, Iraq, Syria, Lebanon, and the Palestinian Territories. Paris, May 15 – Throngs ...
Read More »It’s Not My Position To Tell Palestinians Under Occupation How To Kill Jews
By Linda Sarsour I make a good deal of noise about the oppression and marginalization of various disadvantaged groups within American society, but I do recognize the relative privilege that we Americans, even many marginalized ones, have, compared to the ...
Read More »Iran Insists Arming Hamas, Islamic Jihad To Create Safe Haven For Jews
“Ms. Tlaib expressed our aims as succinctly as anyone could.” Tehran, May 14 – Leaders of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps voiced frustration today with widespread misunderstanding of its role in arming, training, and funding Islamist militant groups throughout the ...
Read More »Dinosaurs OK With Extinction After Hearing About Progressives Supporting Islamists
“We never saw an allosaurus do anything that dumb, and their brains are no bigger than ours, if you catch my drift.” Late Cretaceous, May 13 – Reptiles that ruled the earth for 120 million years before an asteroid impact ...
Read More »500,000 CE: Last Remaining Organisms In Yarmouk Camp Still Trying To Kill One Another
Humans abandoned Yarmouk eighty thousand years ago, but the remaining creatures maintain the ancient fight. Damascus, May 8 – Few living things remain on Earth, but the small number of protozoa, bacteria, and other microscopic life forms inhabiting an area ...
Read More »Twitter Apologizes For Closing Hamas Account After Mistaking It For Parody
“We mistook the genocidal rhetoric of the account in question for an over-the-top parody.” San Francisco, May 9 – Micro-blogging media giant Twitter announced today it had apologized and reinstated the account of the Islamist group that runs the Gaza ...
Read More »Kuggel Tastes Better Than Kiggel, Preschooler Reports
Witnesses reported the presence of both grandmothers in the room at the time. Jerusalem, May 8 – The four-year-old child of a man and woman whose respective ancestries hail from different parts of eastern Europe, and whose grandmothers therefore bring ...
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