PreOccupied Territory The News In Advance. Barely.

Analysts admitted confusion that the apparent hypocrisy has not caused conservatives to pounce. Detroit, January 16 – A freshman Congresswoman whose religious faith enjoins her from the consumption of porcine flesh nevertheless intends to indulge in significant pork during the ...

“It’s a challenge, but we embrace this sort of challenge.” Jerusalem, January 15 – Owners and caretakers of canine pets in this city redoubled their efforts this week to cover the sidewalks in dog crap again after a series of ...

“We intend to showcase the enlightened, beautiful side of the Killing Fields.” Washington, D.C., January 14 – Leaders of the activist organization Code Pink: Women for Peace announced this week that following their trip to the Islamic Republic of Iran ...

Regular, routine meetings of this nature will occur until the threat of such malicious reports is stamped out. Tel Aviv, January 9 – Senior officers from Iraq, Egypt. Jordan, Bahrain, the United Arab Emirates, and Saudi Arabia who gathered for ...

By Vladimir Putin, President, Russian Federation Moscow, January 10 – You Israelis never cease to amuse me. You’re so self-absorbed, so politically-minded, that you think I would direct my intelligence operatives to sow discord and dysfunction ahead of your parliamentary ...

Gabriel introduced the award at a ceremony to honor Einstein on the occasion of the latter finally passing Heaven’s entrance exam. Paradise, January 9 – A Nobel laureate who made unparalleled advances in the theories underpinning human comprehension of the cosmos ...

Authorities vowed to crack down on homosexuals who dance before being hurled to their deaths. Tehran, January 8 – Conservatives in the Islamic Republic railed against the irreverence that a number of homosexuals displayed before their executions this week, following ...

“Bombastic denunciations of Israel are always welcome, but that doesn’t put suicide bomber vests on the working Palestinian’s table.” Ramallah, January 7 – Palestinian lawmakers reacted with anger and frustration to President Mahmoud Abbas’s announcement last week disbanding the legislature, but promised ...

“My understanding has always been that ethical behavior was something you only demanded of others.” Tel Aviv, January 2 – Activists and media figures voiced bewilderment today following a display of real, verifiable moral fiber and character on the part of ...

The existence of such adolescent girls in Canada has been attested to for several decades in statements provided under interrogation by American nerds to cooler classmates. Ottawa, January 3 – The government of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau promised today to ...