“It’s like telling us we can’t eat junk food and then chowing down on a bowl of Doritos,” insisted the oldest, 12. Modiin, February 4 – Children of the man who oversees Israel’s clandestine projects to control temperature, winds, precipitation, ...
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Feed SubscriptionDem Congresswoman Rejects Donor Over Social Media Posts Lacking Antisemitism
“Never let it be said that Congresswoman Tlaib’s hands are soiled with such dirty money.” Ypsilanti, MI, January 30 – A first-term congresswoman has pledged to return a campaign contribution from a party stalwart following an investigation into the giver’s ...
Read More »IDF Condemned For Shells With ‘Learn To Code’ Inside
“‘Learn to code’ can only serve to destroy Palestinian self-esteem, similar to the anticipated effect it will have on ex-Buzzfeed personnel.” Tel Aviv, January 31 – Human rights organizations slammed Israel’s military this week upon learning that the IDF has printed on ...
Read More »I’m Actually Only 4% Straw, 96% ‘Criticism Of Israel Isn’t Antisemitism’
By Jack Straw, scarecrow Popular culture has given rise to the misconception that as I am a person of straw, that material accounts for all the contents of my stuffing, but the real figure seldom gets higher than one twenty-fifth ...
Read More »Angels On Head Of Pin Mixed Dancing
The long-term implications of the discovery remain unclear. Jerusalem, January 29 – Scandal gripped the ultra-orthodox world this week following a discovery that the celestial beings who serve as the subject of many conceptual inquiries perform gavottes, horas, and other rhythmic ...
Read More »Abbas OKs Teaching Holocaust If Textbooks Say Jews ‘Stormed’ Auschwitz
“Our teachers will be free to discuss the German-led extermination of Jews in Europe, provided they phrase their lessons to imply that the Nazis had no choice but to kill all the Jews threatening to overrun Birkenau, Belsen, Mauthausen, and Sobibor, for ...
Read More »Labor OK With Extending Sovereignty Over Area C If New Citizens There Vote Labor
The party seeks to forestall electoral decline. Tel Aviv, January 23 – One of Israel’s founding political parties now faces electoral decline as the country’s electorate drifts rightward, but believes it can counter or stave off stagnation by compromising on ...
Read More »Israelis Welcome Campaign Text Msgs To Break Monotony Of Loan Offers
A spammer who perform his paid work for both shady lenders and political campaigns confirmed that replying to texts with “Remove” as instructed if one wishes not to receive such solicitations in the future has the opposite effect. Kiryat Malachi, ...
Read More »Chastened By Covington Failure, CNN To Reserve Bad Hot Takes For Israel
“We’re still going to take Palestinian allegations of war crimes or atrocities at face value and maybe ask questions later, but probably not.” Washington, January 23 – Three days after botching its coverage of a silent teenager confronted by a ...
Read More »IDF Claims Royalties From Hamas On Clips Doctored To Show Killing Of Palestinians
“Firing rockets and incendiary devices into our communities is bad enough, but appropriating the recordings of our soldiers and editing the footage to make it look like the soldiers did something they didn’t – well, we’re not going to tolerate ...
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