“We might be witness to an adaptive behavior developing in real time, and that’s always of interest.” Arabian Gulf, August 1 – Cephalopods aiming to strike a visceral chord among the public in fomenting animosity and suspicion against political or ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionIsrael Defense Ministry Saved Big This Year With Amazon Prime Day
Mission staff declined to specify the exact dollar amount they saved, as well as the identity of the products purchased. New York, July 31 – Procurement personnel at Israel’s defense materiel purchasing mission to the US in Manhattan voiced gratification ...
Read More »Oh Felesteen, We Love You So, We Will Burn You Up So The Jews Can’t Have You
By Hamas If you love something, set it on fire. Beloved Land, we would give our lives for you. And we do, all the time. The depth of our attachment to you runs so deep, so strong, that we will ...
Read More »Really Strict Muslims Won’t Even Look At Muhammad’s Words
The movement, which has yet to decide on a name, because if they did it might get rendered in writing or print in this article or elsewhere, numbers somewhere between twenty and fifty people. Cairo, July 25 – Concern that ...
Read More »Livni To Lead Opposition For Rest Of Career
The sixty-year-old can maintain her commitment to not quite making it to the top, and to finding just the right moment to jump ship. Jerusalem, July 26 – Congratulations to a veteran lawmaker poured in today following the announcement that ...
Read More »Israel To Allow Only Women On Temple Mount; ‘Throw Rocks Like Girls’
If the program proves successful, they and the IDF will consider expanding it to other areas prone to Arab violence. Jerusalem, July 25 – Police will restrict entry to the compound housing a disputed holy site following outbreaks of violence, ...
Read More »Man’s Computer Emits Noxious Fumes After He Accidentally Installs Microsoft Orifice
“This is is just a foul situation.” Beer Sheva, July 24 – A user complained of an unpleasant odor emanating from his desktop today following an incident in which instead of installing the latest version of the Office suite of ...
Read More »We Find The Use Of Profanity In Calling Mr. Corbyn Antisemitic More Troubling Than His Antisemitism
By UK Labour When an MP from our party whose family members were killed in the Holocaust stood up in Parliament on Tuesday and called our chairman a “@%$&ing anti-Semite,” we were appalled that the situation had deteriorated to the ...
Read More »God Wishes You’d Decide What He Thinks Already
He proceeded to list numerous occasions on which human understanding of the divine will shifted, indicating a pathetic grasp of what the divine attribute of eternity means. Heaven, July 18 – Supernal sources reported today that the almighty creator of ...
Read More »Judean Intelligence Absconds With Cartloads Of Parthian Archery Program Cuneiform Tablets
Judean agents deployed in the Parthian capital had identified an old grain silo on the outskirts of the city as the storage facility housing the secret trove. Jerusalem, July 19 – The administration of Queen Salome scored an intelligence and ...
Read More »