PreOccupied Territory The News In Advance. Barely.

“True liberation will not be achieved until men and women of all demographics, but especially the ultra-conservative, enter bathroom stalls at the same time.” Tel Aviv, June 27 – Representatives of several feminist groups battling to achieve equality of the ...

“This is plain weird.” Nizhny Novgorod, June 26 – Team and staff members of this mostly Muslim and Christian west-Asian national team voiced confusion today after repeated encounters with fans of opposing teams in the world soccer championship hurling anti-Jewish ...

“Oh, crap, she’s probably going to describe the spinners as ‘fleeky’ or something.” Carmiel, June 24 – A mother of three in this middle-class northern town will soon hit upon the idea that a gyroscope-like toy that peaked in popularity ...

He appears to be under the misapprehension that Holocaust denial suffices. Tehran, June 24 – A popular on-air commentator in Iran faces charges of libel after he launched into a Judaeophobic tirade during his program that proved insufficiently Judaeophobic for ...

Ten-year-old Tal Silber’s attorneys petitioned the High Court to rule on the legality of a 9 PM lights-out policy in the Silber household. Jerusalem, June 20 – Continued absence of a law defining the role of Israel’s most senior judicial ...

Last week saw a balloon with “I Love You” printed on it land in an Israeli community near Gaza, attached to a small bomb. Gaza City, June 21 – Residents of this coastal Mediterranean territory warned today that there remain ...

By the staff of the United States Penitentiary for Males, Leavenworth, Kansas On behalf of all the employees and outside contractors operating this facility, we hereby extend our sincere apologies to any resident of this prison who has taken offense at ...

“Found objects with identifiable marks of ownership don’t automatically become the property of the finder.” Tel Aviv, June 20 – Political and cultural figures railed against a Jewish religious leader today for informing an inquirer that he need not try ...

“I can’t shake the sense that I actually knew it all along.” Treblinka, June 20 – Members of this death camp’s Sonderkommando, tasked with disposing of the corpses of fellow Jews from the gas chamber and cleaning it out for its ...

“We’re confident we can have everything ready for next year in plenty of time for the one in ten years.” Jerusalem, June 19 – Municipal officials in Israel’s capital boasted today that preparations for next year’s prestigious international song contest ...