“I can just feel the relevance and newness of yet another violent encounter between Arab rioters and Jews. No wonder they get all the attention.” Isfahan, April 19 – Several months into civil unrest in Iran, the protests and their ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionLocal Man Doesn’t Need Haaretz To Help Him See Worst In Everything Israel Does
“Only losers, if you’ll pardon my frankness, who can’t think for themselves must depend on the likes of Rogel Alpher for regular doses of self-loathing, pessimist weltschmerz, and can’t generate it on their own.” Tel Aviv, April 19 – The ...
Read More »After Defense Against The Dark Arts, Dolores Umbridge Tapped For UK Labour ‘Antisemitism Czar’ Position
“Ms. Umbridge represents the perfect choice to lead this commission: loyal to her superior, condescending of victims, and willing to tolerate or engage in violence to whitewash her faction’s official view.” London, April 18 – Mounting public pressure on Opposition Leader ...
Read More »Petition: High Court Judges Must Forfeit State Salary; They Rule On Cases Where State A Party
They draw a salary far in excess of the median national monthly salary for full-time employees. Jerusalem, April 18 – As controversy swirls around the role of the judiciary in Israel and its relationship with the legislative branch of government, ...
Read More »IDF Summons Stay Puft Marshamallow Man To Stamp Out Gaza Riots
Witnesses recalled seeing the monster stomp toward the crowds of Palestinian protesters attempting to reach the border fence and breach it, scattering them. Kibbutz Nahal Oz, April 17 – Wary of permitting the “Great Return March” to continue attracting international ...
Read More »If You Want To Make It In Journalism, Rookie, Don’t Treat Wild Palestinian Claims With Skepticism
By Chris Hayes McNeil, this is your first big assignment. You want to jump start your career in Gaza, and it’s the perfect venue for such an ambitious goal. But you’ve made a rookie mistake, and I’m here to take ...
Read More »Muslims Not Taking Setbacks As Warnings Allah Intended
In relationships with mankind modeled in other faiths, Allah noted, the temporal success of an endeavor did not perforce indicate His endorsement. Janna, April 15 – The Supreme Being voiced frustration today at some of His followers’ tendency to accept ...
Read More »Islamic Jihad Leader Hospitalized After Mossad Remotely Causes Brain Bleeding With ‘Stroke Of Genius’ Weapon
The capabilities, range, and other aspects of Stroke of Genius remain unknown quantities, causing consternation in Arab capitals and among high-ranking members of terrorist organizations. Beirut, April 11 – The head of a militant Islamist group dedicated to the violent ...
Read More »IKEA Saleswoman To Strangle Next Customer Who Makes ‘One Night Stand’ Joke
To make matters worse, continued Ms. Meir, in the interest of good customer relations she must conceal her frustration and annoyance. Rishon LeTzion, April 12 – A member of the floor staff at this furniture and housewares superstore has just ...
Read More »Union Rules Broken When Jews Forced To Dig Own Graves
The executioners’ union might also demand involvement. Riga, Latvia, April 11 – The head of a local professional association voiced dissatisfaction with the way mass execution of area Jews was conducted, charging that making the Jews move earth with shovels ...
Read More »