“There’s a quota,” noted Nabil Shaath. “We’re supposed to have a certain minimum number of Days of Rage in every reporting period.” Ramallah, February 1 – Officials in the Palestinian Authority confessed embarrassment today upon realizing that after they had ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionI Don’t Care How Many Lebanese Die ‘For Palestine’
By Hassan Nasrallah, Secretary-General, Hezbollah Liberation of the Islamic land of Palestine from the infidel Zionists remains the sacred duty of all Muslims, regardless of local nationality. That is why it ultimately does not matter how many Lebanese must die ...
Read More »Anti-Religion Activist Finds Way To Paint Tu Bishvat Nature-Celebration As Anti-Nature
He has for years sought to develop a thesis that would allow him to dismiss or taint the source so as not to be forced to acknowledge a positive role for something with a religious pedigree. Tel Aviv, January 31 ...
Read More »Jonah Forced To Buy Whole Damn Boat Because Jaffa Port Workers On Strike Again
“If you ask me, there’s something fishy going on there.” Jaffa, January 31 – A prophet trying to escape his mission had no choice but to purchase an entire vessel when a labor stoppage by union workers delayed the departure ...
Read More »UK Parliament Outlaws ‘Military Wing’ Of Mafia, OKs ‘Political Wing’
Lawmakers reported they had been contacted by political operatives of the organizations in question, who had urged them to vote in favor of passage if they knew what was good for them. London, January 30 – Britain’s legislature approved new ...
Read More »Upcoming Netanyahu Speech To Polish Parliament Just The Words “Polish Death Camps” Over And Over
Employing his diplomatic immunity, Netanyahu will repeat the taboo phrase for the duration of his speech. Jerusalem, January 29 – Sources within the Prime Minister’s Office reported today that Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu will deliver an address to the Polish legislature later ...
Read More »Israel Postal Service Looks To Syrian Barrel Bombs For New Ways To Deliver Mail Badly
The project could have launched earlier but for the culture of underachievement that already pervades the organization. Jerusalem, January 23 – In its effort to integrate new technologies and methods into its practices, the Postal Authority has been examining the ...
Read More »Hamas Fighter Drawn To Bright Light In Tunnel, Not Realizing He’s Dead
“It might take him a few more moments for reality to hit him,” predicted one observer. Rafah, January 24 – Confusion reigned in the subterranean passages that snake through and out of the Gaza Strip today after a terrorist killed ...
Read More »It’s Too Bad There Are No ‘Anti-Zionists’ Around To ‘Help’ Our Movement
By Harriet Tubman It’s tough here, on the Underground Railroad, but this is the struggle I’ve chosen, and this is my mission. I rely on many others to succeed, and it’s truly a shame that I’ll have to wait decades ...
Read More »Gullible Egyptians Still Think Israelite Exodus Visible From Space
“No human phenomenon is visible from space, at least not at this point in world history.” Memphis, January 24 – Credulous inhabitants of Pharaoh’s kingdom continue to maintain that the dramatic departure of the Israelite slave population from the country ...
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