The Wide-Echo Broadcast Emission of Revolutionary Noise (WEBERN) system is slated to begin full operations next month. Kerem Shalom Crossing, January 15 – Israeli security officials announced on Sunday a renewed effort to target attack tunnels of the terrorist organization ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionWe Need Another War With Israel As Cover For Killing Rivals
By Yahya Sinwar, Hamas Leader It’s been more than three years since we last provoked a war that killed thousands and left tens of thousands more homeless. One can debate the merits or timing of the conflict, but one clear ...
Read More »Meshichist Lubavitchers Aghast At People Who Insist Two-State Solution Not Dead
“Compared to the evidence for a workable Two-State Solution, the idea that the Rebbe is Moshiach is a slam dunk.” Crown Heights, January 10 – Adherents of the belief that the late Rebbe of the Lubavitch Hasidic movement did not, in fact, ...
Read More »Used To Relieving Themselves Anywhere, Israelis Puzzled By Pay Toilets
“It takes a special sort of idiot, or a tourist, I suppose, to think it’s worth paying to urinate.” Jerusalem, January 11 – Confusion has reigned in Israel since the introduction of public toilet facilities that require payment for use, ...
Read More »Israel Proposes Making Jordan Custodian Of Vatican City Holy Sites As Well
“Jerusalem is no more Jordanian than is Rome. Why should Jordan only be granted custodian status over Jerusalem?” Jerusalem, January 11 – Responding to recurring Arab and Western insistence that the Hashemite kingdom to its east be granted official status ...
Read More »Left-Wing Pols Wish They Had Hostile Press To Attack, Blame
“Haaretz, at least, should know better, with its out-in-the-open prioritizing of political change over journalistic integrity.” Tel Aviv, January 10 – Members of Israel’s political Opposition and adherents of parties or ideologies at odds with the governing right-wing coalition expressed resignation ...
Read More »Nation Ruled By ‘Supreme Leader’ A Real, Not Comic-Book, Place
It seems to be taken out of The Transformers, He-Man, or something else made to appeal to a ten-year-old. Tehran, January 10 – Political commentators and officials have taken note recently that despite the caricatured, moralizing fantasy connotations of the term, there ...
Read More »Mossad Harnesses Predictive Powers of ‘The Simpsons’
Reality has been imitating satire for quite some time, especially at the UN. Los Angeles, January 9 – Officials at Israel’s elite secret intelligence service have engaged writers from the world of entertainment with a knack for foreseeing important developments ...
Read More »We Ancient Egyptians Could Have Warned You About Trying To Drive Jews Into The Sea
By Pharaoh Not that I expect the Arabs of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries CE to take my advice, but I’d have counseled against attacking the nascent Zionist state. My cavalrymen and I could have told you what happens when ...
Read More »God Amused At Your Optimism That 2018 Will Be Better Than 2017
The situation isn’t going to improve just because people are resetting their calendars. Eden, January 2 – Heavenly sources reported this evening that the Creator and Ruler of the Universe has issued numerous guffaws over your baseless assumption that the ...
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