“Of course we’re disappointed,” declared a smirking Rabbi Phineas Birnbaum. Caldwell, NJ, October 10 – Municipal authorities ruled with the plaintiffs in a hearing this afternoon that a ritual structure built on public land for the Jewish festival of Tabernacles ...
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Feed SubscriptionIt Turns Out My Sukkah Roof Leaks Less Than My House
By Schlemazel Goldberg We just had our first rain of the season – into the Sukkah, of course, where it has become traditional to clear out the food, furnishings, and other fragile things at least once per Sukkot holiday in ...
Read More »Poll Confirms 90% Of E. Jerusalem Arabs Prefer Waterboarding To Palestinian Rule
Prisoners undergoing torture in Palestinian Authority jails were unavailable for comment. Jerusalem, October 8 – A new survey of Arab residents of the contested city of Jerusalem indicates that not only do they wish to remain under Israeli sovereignty, rather ...
Read More »BDSers Sadly Put ‘Tom Petty Boycott Israel’ Signs Away
Most of the activists remain unaware that Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers did perform in Israel in 1987, as those activists were not yet born. Nablus, October 3 – Following the passing last night of American pop icon Tom Petty, ...
Read More »Pundits Trying Not To Let Lack Of Las Vegas Information Get In Way Of Wild Speculation
Pundits and analysts have had to pull information out of their rear ends in order to support a line of argument. Las Vegas, October 2 – Commentators across the political and ideological spectrum have adopted a rhetorical strategy regarding last ...
Read More »MK Oren Hazan Volunteers To Lead Relief Mission To Las Vegas
“It’s important for Israel to show solidarity with the people and… industry of Las Vegas in this difficult time.” Jerusalem, October 2 – A mass shooting at a concert in Las Vegas last night has prompted Israeli lawmaker Oren Hazan ...
Read More »Hamas Recruit Disappointed By Lack Of Jumping Through Flaming Hoops In Actual Combat
In his spare time, Nur still practices his flaming-hoop jumping, to keep his capabilities sharp in case the Zionists suspend burning rings larger than a man’s hips between him and where he intends to reach. Gaza City, September 27 – ...
Read More »Non-Biking Tel Aviv Man Worried He Missed Point Of Yom Kippur
“I just know I could have been part of something uplifting and amazing, and I just decided not to.” Tel Aviv, October 1 – A resident of Israel’s commercial and financial hub who declined the opportunity to move about the ...
Read More »I’ve Been In The Belly Of This Fish 3 Days With No WiFi
By Jonah the Prophet As a prophet and the son of a prophet, I would be the first to tell you the life of a prophet is no picnic. Even for personalities who crave the limelight and being privy to ...
Read More »Non-Arab Iran Willing To Fight Israel, West To Last Arab
Experts cited the episodic wars between Iran-backed militant groups and Israel, in which thousands of Arabs, i.e. not people from Iran, have been killed. Tehran, September 28 – Iranian officials, presiding over a nation of non-Arabs, restated today their determination ...
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