“Technically, it would be more democratic if we focused on Israelis, but politics is the art of compromise,” acknowledged MK Ilan Gilon. Tel Aviv, July 18 – A leading news and opinion powerhouse has joined forces with like-minded figures on ...
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Feed SubscriptionOstensible Metal Detectors At Temple Mount Actually Detect Muslim Inferiority Complex
“The Waqf can’t claim to be in control of Islam’s ‘third-holiest site’ if Israel can impose such procedures without their consent.” Jerusalem, July 17 – Islamic authorities at the sacred compound containing the Al Aqsa Mosque and the Dome of ...
Read More »500,000 Killed In Party Mishap As Iran Unwraps Gift Of Entire Mideast From Obama
Precise casualty figures on the giftwrap-related disaster are hard to come by, but estimates range from just under 300,000 dead to more than 500,000. Homs, Syria, July 17 – Half a million people were killed across the region this decade ...
Read More »But If I Take A Truly Moral Position I Betray My Constituency!
By MK Ahmad Tibi It is dishonest of those on the political right to demand that we Arab Members of Knesset denounce the murder of two policemen this past Friday. Our voters elected us for a reason, and showing sympathy ...
Read More »Man Denied Entry To Guns ‘N’ Roses Concert For Not Bringing Smartphone To Hold Up
A spokeswoman for the arena insisted in a telephone interview this morning that all proper procedures had been followed. Tel Aviv, July 16 – A ticket holder at Hayarkon Park contended this morning that arena staff would not let him ...
Read More »Soros Accidentally Funds Group That Doesn’t Oppose Israel’s Existence
“The sense of nausea and dread is overwhelming,” confessed a staffer who asked not to be identified. Budapest, July 12 – Aides to philanthropist and political activist George Soros scrambled to perform damage control today after reports emerged that the ...
Read More »Poor, Uneducated, Underemployed Americans Somehow Not Resorting To Terrorism
“There are fringe groups, but you don’t have them taking over whole regions and recruiting thousands of like-minded fighters from far away. It’s bizarre.” Gary, Indiana, July 12 – Terrorism experts confessed today they cannot explain why tens of millions of Americans ...
Read More »Environmenatlists Chide Jeremiah For Using Almond Branch In Vision
“Almond trees, like all trees, are not objects to be used or invoked by humanity at will, but creatures that deserve dignity.” Anatot, Kingdom of Judah, July 13 – Ecology-minded activists and organizations issued a rebuke to the prophet Jeremiah ...
Read More »New Labor Chief Vows To Fight Religious Indoctrination, B’ezrat Hashem
Ssecular parents and activists fear a trend of religion encroaching on the secular public sphere, lo aleinu. Tel Baruch, Tel Aviv, July 13 – The new head of Israel’s largest Opposition party devoted his attention today to parents’ concerns that their ...
Read More »Report Of Muslims Serving In IDF Gives Roger Waters Brain Aneurysm
Neurologists suggested that the challenge to his sensibilities presented by actual facts may have been too much for his system to assimilate. Southampton, Long Island – Former Pink Floyd bassist and frontman Roger Waters suffered a bulge in a cerebral ...
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