The official described the diplomatic consequences as a secondary goal of the move, with the primary aim inflicting political damage on rival Hamas. Ramallah, July 12 – Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas intends to follow up on the severe reduction ...
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Feed SubscriptionSorry, Muhammed, You Have To Kill More People To Push The Labor Primary Off The Front Page
By Mustafa Massikr, Hamas Official You tried, Muhammed. You tried to kill a bunch of Zionist occupation soldiers with a car yesterday, but you only managed to injure one, and then you got out of the car to try to ...
Read More »Experts Mystified By Utter Lack Of Flotillas To Supply Power Plant Fuel To Gaza
“An ignorant observer might conclude that the goal of the activists has little to do with helping Palestinians and everything to do with demonizing Israel.” Khan Yunis, Gaza Strip, July 10 – Analysts are struggling to explain the puzzling absence ...
Read More »NY Leader: Israel Deserves Ramming Attacks For 1991 Brooklyn Crash That Killed Black Child
Jewish leaders expressed more puzzlement than outrage at the pastor’s assertion. Crown Heights, July 10 – A prominent figure in New York’s African-American community invoked the race riots of summer 1991 today, asserting that the Jewish State deserves the current ...
Read More »Palestinians Cry ‘Apartheid’ Over Election Of Jew To Lead Israeli Labor
Labor officials acknowledged Erekat’s argument. “It’s more or less true.” Ramallah, July 5 – Following the election of a yet another Israeli Jew as the new chairman of the country’s Labor Party, Palestinian leaders accused both the party and wider ...
Read More »Balaam Talking Out Of Ass Again
Balaam was seen administering an ass-whipping or two when his beast refused to comply with his wishes. Qiryat Hutzot, July 7 – The Aramean prophet Balaam, son of Be’or, has been making pronouncements from his ass, witnesses have stated. Two ...
Read More »4 Injured In IDF Warehouse When Mishap Opens Cans Of Whup-Ass
Army regulations call for cans of any substance as volatile as whup-ass to be secured in such a fashion that they are not subject to sudden impact. Zikkim, July 6 – Two soldiers and two civilian contractors suffered injuries this ...
Read More »Palestinian Leaders Puzzled By Your Assumption They Care About Palestinians
“This is… uninformed,” answered a polite Mahmoud Abbas. Ramallah, July 6 – Prominent officials in Palestinian government and society voiced surprise and confusion today when informed that you believe the welfare of everyday Palestinians matters to them. Leaders of the ...
Read More »We Palestinians Support Assad Because The Rebels Threaten Our Monopoly On Victimhood
By Ismail Haniyeh Shifting allegiances in the Arab world can prove confusing, but as the fortunes of various tyrannical regimes wax and wane, it should surprise no one that shifts in allegiance vary accordingly. We in Hamas initially stood with ...
Read More »Panic At Agency After Client Almost Understands Pension Fund
“We dodged a bullet,” declared Moel Kaspi, an Executive Vice President. Tel Aviv, July 5 – Personnel at Clal Insurance held an emergency session today following an incident in which an investor came close to comprehending the Byzantine, Labyrinthian terms ...
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