“Look at what Hamas has done, with only a fraction of our budget.” New York, July 19 – The Metropolitan Transportation Authority of New York will begin drafting children to conduct expensive infrastructure work, following the example set by the ...
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Feed SubscriptionAllah So Damn Akbar He Can’t Defend His Third-Holiest Site From Lowly Jews
Jews have maintained a security presence in and around the compound for fifty years, a disgrace to Islam so intense that it calls into question the notion that Allah is, in fact, as akbar as His worshipers proclaim. Jerusalem, July ...
Read More »NY Times, Meretz In Content-Sharing Agreement
“Technically, it would be more democratic if we focused on Israelis, but politics is the art of compromise,” acknowledged MK Ilan Gilon. Tel Aviv, July 18 – A leading news and opinion powerhouse has joined forces with like-minded figures on ...
Read More »Ostensible Metal Detectors At Temple Mount Actually Detect Muslim Inferiority Complex
“The Waqf can’t claim to be in control of Islam’s ‘third-holiest site’ if Israel can impose such procedures without their consent.” Jerusalem, July 17 – Islamic authorities at the sacred compound containing the Al Aqsa Mosque and the Dome of ...
Read More »500,000 Killed In Party Mishap As Iran Unwraps Gift Of Entire Mideast From Obama
Precise casualty figures on the giftwrap-related disaster are hard to come by, but estimates range from just under 300,000 dead to more than 500,000. Homs, Syria, July 17 – Half a million people were killed across the region this decade ...
Read More »But If I Take A Truly Moral Position I Betray My Constituency!
By MK Ahmad Tibi It is dishonest of those on the political right to demand that we Arab Members of Knesset denounce the murder of two policemen this past Friday. Our voters elected us for a reason, and showing sympathy ...
Read More »Man Denied Entry To Guns ‘N’ Roses Concert For Not Bringing Smartphone To Hold Up
A spokeswoman for the arena insisted in a telephone interview this morning that all proper procedures had been followed. Tel Aviv, July 16 – A ticket holder at Hayarkon Park contended this morning that arena staff would not let him ...
Read More »Soros Accidentally Funds Group That Doesn’t Oppose Israel’s Existence
“The sense of nausea and dread is overwhelming,” confessed a staffer who asked not to be identified. Budapest, July 12 – Aides to philanthropist and political activist George Soros scrambled to perform damage control today after reports emerged that the ...
Read More »Poor, Uneducated, Underemployed Americans Somehow Not Resorting To Terrorism
“There are fringe groups, but you don’t have them taking over whole regions and recruiting thousands of like-minded fighters from far away. It’s bizarre.” Gary, Indiana, July 12 – Terrorism experts confessed today they cannot explain why tens of millions of Americans ...
Read More »Environmenatlists Chide Jeremiah For Using Almond Branch In Vision
“Almond trees, like all trees, are not objects to be used or invoked by humanity at will, but creatures that deserve dignity.” Anatot, Kingdom of Judah, July 13 – Ecology-minded activists and organizations issued a rebuke to the prophet Jeremiah ...
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