“If the influence of those forces is as invidious as Westboro claims, then perforce Westboro is not immune to them.” Topeka, June 2 – In keeping with its tradition of seeing the influence of homosexuality everywhere, the Westboro Baptist Church ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionIsraeli Labor Party To Choose Its Next Irrelevant Leader
The party leadership has continued to conduct itself as if Labor’s positions still matter on a national level. Jerusalem, June 6 – Polling stations across Israel will open in several weeks for the Labor Party primaries, in which the party membership ...
Read More »Media Gearing Up To Describe Iran Nuke As ‘Crude, Homemade’ If Used On Israel
“Technically, since Iran is trying to develop the nuclear weapons and delivery technology domestically, we can use the word ‘homemade.'” Gaza City, June 5 – Journalists and editors of new operations covering the Middle East have begun to prepare for ...
Read More »Smirking Israel Says Qatar Welcome To Use Her Airspace
“We’re just here to help,” added the ministry spokesman, unable to suppress a smirk. Jerusalem, June 5 – As Arab state after Arab state closes its skies to Qatar’s national carrier amid ratcheting political and diplomatic confrontation, the Jewish State ...
Read More »Gandhi Was A Wimp
By Mustafa Massikr, Hamas activist I love it. I get to kill women and children in their beds, and the world supports me! For me, it’s never been about freedom for Palestine. Those little kids don’t know a thing about ...
Read More »Proposal To Offer Land To Car Crashes So They Stop Killing People
“We’ve enjoyed periods as long as five days at a time without a Palestinian attempt on Jewish lives. That could work with cars too.” Carmiel-Misgav, June 4 – Road safety activists have put forth an initiative to treat the scourge ...
Read More »WHO: AIDS Could Be Eliminated If Everyone Calls It Something Else
“The most effective solutions to complex problems are usually the simplest,” said WHO Director-General Tedros Adhanom. Geneva, Switzerland, June 3 – In an unexpectedly ambitious proposal, the World Health Organization announced this morning that it has formulated a plan to ...
Read More »Church Distributes G-Rated, 12-Page Version Of Bible
Congregations and relieved parents have already placed orders for hundreds of thousands of copies, and RePress, the publisher, will have to produce a second run. Chicago, June 2 – Concerned about the effects that exposure to violence, sex and gore can ...
Read More »Labor Promises Funding For Smoother Pavement On Road To Hell
“The current Minister of Transport might have some good intentions when it comes to this infrastructure, but not good enough. Labor can and will do better.” Tel Aviv, June 1 – Candidates in the upcoming primary for leadership of Israel’s ...
Read More »IDF Using Covfefe On Palestinians
An IDF spokesman declined to answer whether the IDF obtained covfefe from American suppliers under existing military aid agreements. Gaza City, June 1 – Human rights groups are alleging that the Israel Air Force has deployed munitions containing covfefe against ...
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