“Muslims in the US cannot fulfill their sacred duty of dominating non-Muslims in the current political and legal environment.” Washington, May 24 – A leading advocacy group for Muslims in the US has begun lobbying legislators in several states to ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed Subscription‘Original’ Sin Actually Quite Derivative
“Been there, done that.” Jerusalem, May 23 – Scholars of religion have discovered that what many adherents of religious faith call “Original” Sin in fact represents a phenomenon that existed well before the Sin’s ostensible beginnings. Religious historians and theologians ...
Read More »2-State Solution Advocates Admit Idea Outdated, Move Up To Touting 8-Tracks
The time has come to recognize the failure of every such model that has been proposed, and to promote ideas with more contemporary relevance. Jerusalem, May 22 – Israeli political figures who long advocated a long-term resolution with the Palestinians ...
Read More »Israel To Bring Down Ayatollahs By Putting Them On Public Housing Waiting List
Soon enough, the Ayatollahs will lose all hope of getting help from the people who are supposed to help them, and they’ll decide to end it all. Tel Aviv, May 22 – Israeli leaders have hit upon what they believe ...
Read More »Melania Wears Regev’s Jerusalem Dress To Riyadh
Saudi officials denied knowledge of the dress. Riyadh, May 21 – First Lady Melania Trump turned heads and sent tongues wagging as she and President Trump departed for Saudi Arabia, first by announcing she would not cover her hair, and ...
Read More »We Prepare Our People For Peace By Teaching Them Never To Compromise
By Saeb Erekat It is time to put to rest the notion that we Palestinians are not preparing our people for peace with Israel. As our president said to Mr. Trump in Washington two weeks ago, ours is a culture ...
Read More »Popular New ‘Barghouti Diet’ Ignores Calories Eaten In Secret
The eat-all-the-junk-food-you-want-as-long-as-you-think-nobody-is-looking diet is the latest thing. Savyon, May 17 – Trendy Israelis have begun to embrace a new regimen for controlling food intake, inspired by the discipline of a prominent Palestinian prisoner, that only reckons calories from food not ...
Read More »Trump To Assure Netanyahu Of His Penis Size
The president will thus seek to establish dominance in the interaction via the move, signaling his greater masculinity. Washington, May 17 – Aides to US President Donald Trump informed reporters today that when he meets Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu ...
Read More »God’s Manna Supervision Not Good Enough For Man Who Only Eats BaDaTz
The manna was not delivered in a sealed package bearing the stamp and logo of the Badatz. Wilderness of Sinn, May 18 – An Israelite adhering to stringent requirements for food to be permissible under Hebrew dietary law has refused ...
Read More »Scientists Unsure If Herzog Can Get More Pathet- Oh, We Guess He Can
We wanted to determine whether there is a limit to his- oh, goodness, did he really just say that to Trump? Oh my God. Rehovot, May 18 – Researchers at the Weizmann Institute of Science expressed doubt today whether Opposition ...
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