The three-week campaign leading up to this week’s vote was marred by acrimonious exchanges. Or Akiva, May 11 – A high school junior who ran an unsuccessful campaign to lead the student government has accused Russian President Vladimir Putin’s government ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionIsrael Moving Embassy From DC To Mar-a-Lago
The move signals a new approach to Israel’s relations with all the countries who locate their embassies to Israel in Tel Aviv instead of Jerusalem. Jerusalem, May 10 – Amid a frenzy of speculation whether President Donald Trump will authorize ...
Read More »Betzalel Having Trouble Integrating Nazi-Face-Melting Feature Into Holy Ark
“I told Moses that it’s only thanks to worker-safety protocols that we all haven’t been incinerated.” Wilderness of Sinai, May 10 – The chief architect of the Tabernacle reported today that he has encountered numerous difficulties incorporating into the vessel to ...
Read More »With Lowest Number Of Knesset Seats, Meretz Pushes For Homeopathic Representation
The fewer votes a party earns, the greater its representation would be in the Knesset. Jerusalem, May 9 – Israel’s summer legislative session began this morning with a Meretz-sponsored bill that would adopt homeopathic principles in assigning representation in the ...
Read More »Egypt Demolishes Gaza Smuggling Tunnel, Cutting Supply Of Luxury Cars
“It’s unbearable, this siege,” complained a Hamas operative who splits his time between training the next generation of militants and serving on the administrative committee at a UNRWA school. Rafah, Gaza Strip, May 8 – Egyptian military forces detonated charges ...
Read More »Starving Palestinians In Yarmouk Camp Just Thrilled Barghouti Eating Wafers
“Israel isn’t providing enough channels of satellite TV? Well, yeah, come on. That’s like basic stuff.” Damascus, May 8 – Remaining residents of the besieged Yarmouk Palestinian refugee camp on the outskirts of the Syrian capital voiced satisfaction that a ...
Read More »We’re Allowed To Lie Because Our Cause Is Just
By Saeb Erekat We are a nation and a culture that values truth, and this is the truth: we will go to the greatest rhetorical lengths to demonize the Zionist enemy, facts be damned, because nothing is more sacred than ...
Read More »Israelis Considering Benefits Of BDS After Bieber Concert
“Won’t someone think of the children?” Ramat Gan, May 7 – Last week’s performance of teen heartthrob entertainer Justin Bieber in Yarkon Park has many Israelis wondering whether they might be better off if Israel were in fact the target ...
Read More »J-Street Staffer Unsure Whether To Wish Coworkers Happy Nakba Day
“Israel’s Independence Day must be a big deal for such a pro-Israel organization. People kept mentioning this Nakba thing in such solemn terms, I thought they were just still in the whole Memorial Day for fallen soldiers from the day ...
Read More »Household God Doesn’t Know What The Hell To Do With Stupid Rice Offerings
“The first few dozen times I thought it was a sweet gesture,” he recalled. “But it got old in a hurry.” Phuket, Thailand, May 3 – A deity associated with the domicile of a local family has no idea how ...
Read More »