“In fact we deny that what those monsters are doing is cannibalism at all.” Beirut, June 7 – Community leaders among those who consume human flesh in a moderate fashion complain that they are being unfairly targeted by critics of ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionNo, You May Not Show Intolerance During Tolerance Class
Leaving Marcia alone means you accept her being different from you, even though she never takes a bath. We call that part of pluralism “tolerance.” Hello, everyone. Settle down, please. Today we’re going to talk about pluralism. Pluralism means wanting ...
Read More »Scientists Confirm If You Give Mouse Cookie, Will Ask For Milk
The experiment outcome closely matches that posited by researchers Laura Joffe Numeroff and Felicia Bond in a 1985 paper. Rehovot, June 8 – Researchers at the Weizmann Institute of Science have managed to confirm a longstanding hypothesis regarding murine behavior, first ...
Read More »Kerry: If Iran Already Had Nuke, Could Have Ended Tehran Hostage Crisis Sooner
“We can only wonder how casualty numbers would be different had the authorities in Tehran been able to strike with nuclear technology.” Washington, June 7 – Former Secretary of State John Kerry lamented this morning that the Islamic Republic of ...
Read More »Westboro Baptist Church Starts Picketing Self; ‘Bunch of Hateful Fags’
“If the influence of those forces is as invidious as Westboro claims, then perforce Westboro is not immune to them.” Topeka, June 2 – In keeping with its tradition of seeing the influence of homosexuality everywhere, the Westboro Baptist Church ...
Read More »Israeli Labor Party To Choose Its Next Irrelevant Leader
The party leadership has continued to conduct itself as if Labor’s positions still matter on a national level. Jerusalem, June 6 – Polling stations across Israel will open in several weeks for the Labor Party primaries, in which the party membership ...
Read More »Media Gearing Up To Describe Iran Nuke As ‘Crude, Homemade’ If Used On Israel
“Technically, since Iran is trying to develop the nuclear weapons and delivery technology domestically, we can use the word ‘homemade.'” Gaza City, June 5 – Journalists and editors of new operations covering the Middle East have begun to prepare for ...
Read More »Smirking Israel Says Qatar Welcome To Use Her Airspace
“We’re just here to help,” added the ministry spokesman, unable to suppress a smirk. Jerusalem, June 5 – As Arab state after Arab state closes its skies to Qatar’s national carrier amid ratcheting political and diplomatic confrontation, the Jewish State ...
Read More »Gandhi Was A Wimp
By Mustafa Massikr, Hamas activist I love it. I get to kill women and children in their beds, and the world supports me! For me, it’s never been about freedom for Palestine. Those little kids don’t know a thing about ...
Read More »Proposal To Offer Land To Car Crashes So They Stop Killing People
“We’ve enjoyed periods as long as five days at a time without a Palestinian attempt on Jewish lives. That could work with cars too.” Carmiel-Misgav, June 4 – Road safety activists have put forth an initiative to treat the scourge ...
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