“The most effective solutions to complex problems are usually the simplest,” said WHO Director-General Tedros Adhanom. Geneva, Switzerland, June 3 – In an unexpectedly ambitious proposal, the World Health Organization announced this morning that it has formulated a plan to ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionChurch Distributes G-Rated, 12-Page Version Of Bible
Congregations and relieved parents have already placed orders for hundreds of thousands of copies, and RePress, the publisher, will have to produce a second run. Chicago, June 2 – Concerned about the effects that exposure to violence, sex and gore can ...
Read More »Labor Promises Funding For Smoother Pavement On Road To Hell
“The current Minister of Transport might have some good intentions when it comes to this infrastructure, but not good enough. Labor can and will do better.” Tel Aviv, June 1 – Candidates in the upcoming primary for leadership of Israel’s ...
Read More »IDF Using Covfefe On Palestinians
An IDF spokesman declined to answer whether the IDF obtained covfefe from American suppliers under existing military aid agreements. Gaza City, June 1 – Human rights groups are alleging that the Israel Air Force has deployed munitions containing covfefe against ...
Read More »Car Bomb Means ISIS In Baghdad Really Hates Cars
“Intense obsession with destroying cars and trucks.” Baghdad, May 30 – Another vehicle laden with explosives went off this morning in the Iraqi capital, driving home the point to military and political experts that the Islamic State, responsible for the ...
Read More »But Withholding Funds Because We Glorify Terrorists Is Suppression Of Our Culture!
By Mustafa Massiqr Culture forms a fundamental part of a person’s identity. The ethos he absorbs becomes a part of who he is, to the point that any challenge to that culture constitutes an assault on his sense of self, ...
Read More »Jews Control All Banks, Media In Israel
The concentration of such power in the hands of Jews might brook resentment from wider Israeli society. Tel Aviv, May 29 – A survey of all major Israeli financial institutions, broadcast entertainment companies, and journalistic enterprises has uncovered a reality ...
Read More »Man Sensing Egypt Flag In Twitter Avatar Not Affecting Terrorism Levels
“Maybe there’s a magic formula for how many people have to change avatars and retweet the right things before the good guys win.” Plano, Texas, May 28 – A resident of this Dallas-area city has begun to suspect that repeated ...
Read More »Group With 75% Lactose Intolerance Has Holiday Devoted To Eating Dairy
The ability to digest dairy products beyond infancy results from a genetic mutation uncommon among Jews. Teaneck, May 28 – Staff at the Butterflake Bakery in this Bergen County, New Jersey township are noting the usual uptick in cheesecake purchases in ...
Read More »Joint List Rushes To Condemn Manchester Attack After Verifying Israelis Not Target
They would not, heaven forbid, thereby imply that it was a bad thing when Israelis are targeted for terrorism. Jerusalem, May 24 – The Joint List alliance of mostly-Arab parties in the Knesset issued its condemnation of Monday night’s bombing ...
Read More »