She will survey the myriad ways in which the Shiite terrorist organization that is a de facto partner in the Lebanese government threatens to bring devastation on the country by provoking Israel into another war, and then to decline to ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionUh Oh. Looks Like I’m Chametz, And Forbidden On Passover, by the Flying Spaghetti Monster
By the Flying Spaghetti Monster I’m not one to get all sensitive about the requirements of other religions. If you want to come close to your notion of divinity by abstaining from leavened grain products for a little over a ...
Read More »Abbas Honors Pigeon That Crapped On Netanyahu’s Motorcade
The defecation took place last Wednesday, as Netanyahu’s motorcade made its way through Jerusalem. Ramallah, March 20 – Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas granted citizenship today to a rock dove that defecated on the procession of cars escorting Israeli prime Minister ...
Read More »Report: Elections Not Imminent Unless Livni Forms New Party
“Elections aren’t in the air until Tzipi decides she’s had enough with her current position of political irrelevance and desires a new one of even greater irrelevance.” Tel Aviv, March 19 – A coalition crisis has pundits predicting the demise ...
Read More »Surplus Of Gentile-Blood Matza From 2014 Still Keeping Prices Low
Operation Protective Edge, framed as an effort to suppress rocket fire by Hamas, was actually an elaborate ruse to kill Palestinians to use their blood in matza. Jerusalem, March 19 – Manufacturers of unleavened bread for the Jewish holiday of ...
Read More »Wonka Loses Kosher Certification Over Refusal To Admit Human Inspector
“Engaging as a mashgiach someone already beholden to the entity under supervision constitutes a conflict of interest that negates his reliability.” New York, March 15 – The Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations of America, the world’s largest provider of supervision ...
Read More »Study: Vaccines Implicated In Not Dying From Horrible, Preventable Diseases
Because of the widespread use of vaccines, most children will never know what it’s like to die from diphtheria. Jerusalem, March 17 – Researchers at Hadassah University Hospital have published the shocking results of a study they conducted that links ...
Read More »Mossad Infecting 72 Virgins With STDs
“Brilliant, if evil. Stereotypical, I would say.” Paradise, March 16 – Heavenly sources are reporting that Israeli agents have infiltrated the Supernal Realm and are spreading venereal diseases among the virgins allotted to Islamic martyrs. Archangel Jibril told journalists that ...
Read More »Why Can’t Gays Just Enjoy The Thrill Of Plummeting From The Rooftop?
By Aiwil Qilfag, Gaza Strip Imam I do not understand you people who object to our treatment of homosexuals. What we do to them is very similar to things that you Westerners pay to have done to you, such as ...
Read More »Cypriots Consider Protesting Israeli, Not Turkish, Occupation So World Might Care
“It should work just fine, since Israel isn’t occupying Gaza, either, by any reasonable interpretation of international law, but you wouldn’t know it from all the protests.” Nicosia, March 15 – Greek-speaking residents of North Cyprus, an area of the ...
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