“I saw not a hint of a post-colonialist approach, and this was a man who lived in the Middle East for most of his adult life.” New York, February 8 – A leading figure in liberal Judaism is struggling to ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionMan Surprised ‘Jewish Values’ Not A Term For Low, Low Prices
“Every Jew I know, I guess mostly through work, is kind of an ace in finance,” he explained in a telephone interview. Bronxville, NY, February 8 – A local resident with little direct exposure to Jewish principles and practices confessed ...
Read More »Study Finds Correlation Between Kinneret Water Level And Hype Over Kinneret Water Level
“We found an inverse relationship between the Kinneret level and news coverage of the Kinneret level.” Tiberias, February 9 – A groundbreaking study has found a close relationship between the measured depth of Lake Kinneret and the extent to which ...
Read More »Hamas Propaganda Filmmakers So Comically Ineffective, Must Be Israeli Agents
The animated work has caused zero intimidation among the target population, but has become a comic entertainment sensation. Khan Yunis, February 9 – The release this week of another Hamas video production intended to intimidate Israelis, but that instead showcased ...
Read More »You Could Have Stopped Me With Memes Comparing Me To Myself
By Adolph Hitler It’s too bad you haven’t learned all the lessons from the cataclysmic episode of history in which I starred. Fascism is indeed on the rise once more, but believe you me, I’m not going to get into ...
Read More »Progressive Advocates Laud Diversity Of Assad Execution Victims
The regime has been working on expanding its torture and murder to an ever-expanding list of populations. Damascus, February 8 – Progressive organizations reacted with gratification to reports yesterday that Basher Assad’s regime has tortured and executed thirteen thousand people ...
Read More »Labor Split On Question Of Renaming To ‘Whatever The EU Wants’ Party
“Taking this firm ideological stance – which is also a practical one – will convey our gravitas as an alternative to the failures of the current government.” Jerusalem, February 7 – Senior figures within Israel’s Labor Party found themselves in ...
Read More »Explorers Find Rare Bar Mitzva Boy Who Didn’t ‘Read So Beauuuuutifully’
“In examining evidence regarding approximately eighteen million Bar Mitzva celebrations documented since 1920, we have yet to encounter another case where ‘which ____ read so beauuuuutifully’ was not invoked.” Kfar Sava, February 6 – Anthropologists in search of heretofore unknown ...
Read More »Obama, Kerry Wonder Why Falcons Didn’t Try To Use ‘Soft Power’
“What did Atlanta expect, taking a 28-3 lead in the third quarter?” Washington, February 6 – Former President Barack Obama and his Secretary of State John Kerry voiced puzzlement today at the Atlanta Falcons’ decision to employ outright force in ...
Read More »Jerusalem Man Unnerved At Discussion Of ‘Super Bowel’
“Trump not doing something about this? He can maybe build wall to keep people away from this?” Jerusalem, February 5 – A local resident expressed unease this afternoon in reaction to seeing repeated references in print and online media to ...
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