Potential hazards of ammonia lack the visceral resonance with the reader that stories containing allegations of direct abuse are capable of generating. Haifa Bay, February 19 – Journalists and news agencies covering the Israeli domestic scene have struggled in recent ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionPalestinian Claims Victory In Twitter Exchange, Bringing Statehood Ever Closer
“A self-declared victory in debate on Twitter, we can all agree, was never dreamed of by our ancestors.” San Francisco, February 15 – Twitter executives reported today that in a series of messages between a Palestinian tweeter and two advocates ...
Read More »We Zombies Have Nothing On The Two-State Solution
By Urgh People make a big fuss over zombies rising from the grave and menacing the living, but at least you can kill a zombie again with the right equipment. Our staying power has nothing on the patently untenable Two-State ...
Read More »Authority Banning Land Sales To Jews Accuses Israel Of Ethnic Cleansing
“This land is Palestinian. They cannot stay. Did I mention that Israel is conducting ethnic cleansing?” Ramallah, February 16 – A spokesman for the Palestinian Authority government that imposes the death penalty or life imprisonment for selling land to Jews, ...
Read More »Meretz Proposes Making Doublespeak An Official Language
The Meretz Euphemism-Required-Doublespeak Enactment (1984)(2017) (MERDE) Jerusalem, February 16 – Legislators from the far-left Meretz Party seek to establish Doublespeak as an official language of Israel alongside Hebrew and Arabic, a statement by the party announced today. Officials from Meretz ...
Read More »Rabbis Pronounce Ban On Talmud For Suggesting Moses Did Not Write Entire Torah
Some members of the Badatz are instructing their disciples and followers to disdain the earlier Jerusalem Talmud as well. Bnei Brak, February 15 – A group of spiritual authorities has barred the study of Talmud because the work states that ...
Read More »US Chocolate Makers Preparing Unsold Valentine’s Day Chocolates For Export To Israel In 8 Months
Israeli candy retailers ask few, if any, questions of the importer regarding the freshness of these items. Hershey, PA, February 15 – American manufacturers of specially-shaped chocolate confections for yesterday’s St. Valentine’s Day celebrations have begun the annual process of ...
Read More »Tax Authority Worried That Somewhere, Somehow, Israelis Still Have Enough To Live On
At least three hundred such households can still afford to live and save for retirement. Jerusalem, February 14 – Officials at the Israel Tax Authority convened today to discuss disquieting reports that there still exist Israelis who have not had ...
Read More »Report: Obsession With Israel A Plot To Distract Muslims From Zionist World Takeover
Implicit in the officials’ account is the fact that only the Arab-Muslim world stands between the cabal and total global domination. Cairo, February 13 – Egyptian intelligence officials suspect that the animus toward Israel that has characterized the last seventy ...
Read More »Maybe We Shouldn’t Have Made All Those “New Jewish Settlements” Invisible
By Avigdor Liberman, Minister of Defense Having served as Minister of Defense for ten months now, I can give a number of observations as to certain strategic mistakes our country has made over the last several decades, but principally in ...
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