“Given the uncontrolled violence we’ve come to associate with Trump supporters, we’re going to keep looking until there’s something to report. “ New York, November 13 – Post-election investigation has found that less than a week after the United States elected ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionIsraeli Scientists Now Just Trolling BDS With Breakthroughs
Lancet specifically cited recent breakthroughs in AIDS research, cancer treatment, and Alzheimer prevention. Rechovot, November 13 – A representative of Israeli research institutions and personalities admitted that the main factor behind a string of recent scientific and technological advances emanating ...
Read More »Mossad Pronounces New Election-Fixing Technology A Success
The section chief praised her staff for completing the project ahead of schedule and under budget. Tel Aviv, November 9 – Developers and project leaders at Israel’s secret intelligence service gathered today to celebrate the first successful field test of ...
Read More »Elitism Isn’t Working, So We’re Going To Keep Trying It
By Isaac Herzog, Labor Party Chairman Last year and this year brought more than their share of electoral surprises. In each case, the left-leaning media lulled us leftists into complacency by predicting a weakening of the Right, if not our ...
Read More »Mideast States Puzzled By Peaceful Transition Of US Presidency
“There’s supposed to be a bloody removal of a brutal, corrupt dictator, followed by a period of uncertainty until a new strongman asserts himself and takes control.” Cairo, November 10 – Egyptian officials publicly welcomed the election of Donald Trump ...
Read More »Right-Wing MKs Getting A Little Carried Away With Trump Election Implications
“It’s quite possible Mr. Trump will shut down the hostile United Nations, nuke Iran to smithereens, and increase military aid to us by several billion dollars annually.” Jerusalem, November 10 – One day after Donald Trump soundly defeated Hillary Clinton ...
Read More »Liberal Mobs Call For Burning, Stoning Of False-Prophet Pollsters
The mobs of chanting protesters specifically called for Nate Silver, who administers Five-Thirty-Eight, to be handed over to them to be dragged through the streets and hanged in the public square. Washington, November 9 – Left-leaning voters and pundits in ...
Read More »African Children Reject Leftover Hillary Campaign Shirts, Hats
“I have six boys to clothe and can barely afford food, let alone new shirts for them. But I still have some shame.” Kigali, Rwanda, November 9 – Tribal elders and heads of families are reporting that under no circumstances ...
Read More »US Election Campaign Almost Over, Israelis Prepare To Watch TV Again
“I’m looking forward to checking Twitter again,” confessed Dahlia, who has been living in her apartment’s sealed room since the beginning of August. Haifa, November 8 – Israelis are looking forward to Wednesday and Thursday of this week, when the ...
Read More »UN: Abraham Used Excessive Force In Pursuing 4 Armies With His 318 Men
His campaign succeeded in seizing all the booty and prisoners taken by the four kings and their troops, at what the Human Rights Council has now called a disproportionate price. Oaks of Mamre, November 7 – The United Nations Human ...
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