By Daniel Goldberg I’ve been married three times, each one ending in divorce. I’ve had multiple other relationships before, between, and since, each one repeating and compounding the failures of all that came before it. I don’t need the orthodox ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionIslamic State Claims Credit For Trump
“The fist of Islam reaches into the depths of the enemy’s rear and strikes with the force of a thousand vengeances.” Medina, July 6 – The Islamic State has not claimed credit for perpetrating an suicide bombing attack yesterday at the burial site ...
Read More »Rabbi Rules Fast Days Count As Diet
“Do you think the ninth of Av and the Day of Atonement, which are 25-hour fasts, can count more somehow?” Greenwich, CT, July 6 – A Jewish spiritual authority has weighed in on the physiological effects of the various fast ...
Read More »Vile Phone Companies Still Allow Callers To Leave Voice Mail
“How could anyone think this is acceptable behavior?” Kiryat Yam, Israel, July 7 – Residents of this sleepy Haifa suburb on the Mediterranean coast were horrified to discover that the various telecommunications companies in Israel’s market still permit callers to ...
Read More »Mandatory Sentence For Treating Injured Jews Reduced To Lynching
Analysts see the move as an encouraging sign of emerging liberal values in Palestinian society. Ramallah, July 7 – Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas signed an order today that sets a new, lighter mandatory punishment for people convicted of tendering ...
Read More »Nazis Upset At Trump Appropriation Of Sheriff Symbol
“At least the The Donald hasn’t explicitly disavowed the support of white supremacists.” Boise, July 6 – Followers of Hitlerian National Socialism objected today to Donald Trump’s presidential campaign’s use of a “sheriff’s star” in an image targeting opponent Hillary ...
Read More »King David Faces ‘Apartheid’ Allegations Over Lack Of Arab Advisers
“You can’t get any more minority than zero percent.” Jerusalem, July 6 – NGOs and political figures are accusing King David of a policy of racial discrimination and of barring ethnic minorities from his government, noting that of the many ...
Read More »What Is This Idea Of ‘Asylum’ For Refugees Of Which You Speak?
By The United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees (UNRWA) We’ve been hearing quite a bit about some expectation that refugees be resettled in places other than the ones they left and thus be given the opportunity to ...
Read More »Emorite Soldiers Struggling Not To Laugh At King Named ‘Og’
His frontline troops nurture a joke of referring to their leader by various names they think sound vaguely simian. Rabbat-Ammon, July 4 – Troops in the army of the Bashan kingdom of the Emorites are having a hard time containing their ...
Read More »Al Aqsa Worshipers Confused By July 4 Fireworks Not Aimed At People
“The instructions and safety warnings were altered by the Zionists to trick us into thinking these aren’t weapons.” Jerusalem, July 4 – Palestinians attending the prayers at Al Aqsa Mosque today voiced bewilderment at traditional US Independence Day festivities featuring fireworks, ...
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