“This should be useful,” said Donald Drumpf, a New York businessman with a keen interest in demographic studies. Burlington, June 14 – A recent examination of the various social relationships involving Senator Bernie Sanders indicates that a number of his ...
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Feed SubscriptionAssad Wondering Why Orlando Shooter Used Guns, Not Barrel Bombs
“Guns have nowhere near the effectiveness of the bombs in terms of raw killing capacity.” Damascus, June 13 – The government of Syria issued its official statement this morning on yesterday’s Orlando nightclub shooting, including President Basher Assad’s expression of ...
Read More »We Have To Co-Opt The Orlando Shooting For Palestine Without Supporting Gays
By Mahmoud Abbas, Palestinian President As with every other major tragedy, our task as Palestinian leaders and advocates is to tie our struggle in with the victims of the Orlando night club massacre, but in this case we have to ...
Read More »Naomi Returns To Bethlehem; Last Time Jew Does So Without Military Escort
The pair entered the town by themselves, causing a stir. Bethlehem, Judah, June 7 – The widow of the late tribal leader Elimelech came back to her hometown today after ten years in the land of Moab, marking the final ...
Read More »Report: Visiting Site Of Attack Not Cynical If Left Does It
“This research demonstrates what certain public figures have been claiming for some time,” said lead author Shelly Yechimovich. Tel Aviv, June 9 – A new study published today in a scientific journal indicates that when right-wing politicians visit the site ...
Read More »Palestinian Villagers Forced To Buy Israeli Sweets To Celebrate Tel Aviv Killings
Some have bought packages of Israeli candy without comment, but several did specifically ask whether there was any of local provenance. Dayariyya, West Bank, June 9 – Residents of this isolated town north of Nablus confessed they felt awkward last ...
Read More »Report: Israelis Killed In Shooting Allegedly Shopped, Dined First
At least one victim flagrantly ordered ice coffee. Tel Aviv, June 8 – Police investigating this evening’s shooting attack in the downtown area of this city are reporting initial findings that indicate all nine of the Israelis killed or wounded in ...
Read More »Academic Radical Proposes Anthropological Assoc. Discuss Anthropology
“There hasn’t been a crisis this big in the AAA since the Vietnam War,” said Executive Director Ed Liebow. Arlington, VA, June 8 – At the headquarters of this 10,000-strong organization, academics are reeling from the suggestion by one of ...
Read More »After Istanbul Bombing, Palestinians Scramble To Make It About Them
As more details emerge it will be easier to seize on one or two of the details of the attack and use them to shoehorn the Palestinian issue to center stage. Ramallah, June 7 – A powerful car bomb exploded in ...
Read More »We’re So Indigenous, The Land Came From Us
By Mahmoud Abbas I’m getting tired of having to reiterate our ancient claim to the land of Palestine and how it far precedes that of the Jews, so let me settle this once and for all by establishing that we ...
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