“For the eternal life of me, I can’t fathom where the confusion lies, and what else they might have expected.” Paradise, May 31 – Supernal sources are reporting that recent arrivals in the Islamic Martyrs Pavilion in Heaven are expressing ...
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Feed SubscriptionAssad Furious Olympic Firing Squad Unable To Compete In Rio
Trainers and staff with the Syrian firing squad team have been practicing intensively for years, often gunning down hundreds of people a week. Damascus, May 30 – Syrian President Basher Assad is reportedly fuming at a decision of the International ...
Read More »Palestinians Mull Plans For When No Holocaust Survivors Left To Stab
“We really must develop a coherent approach to this problem, because it’s not going to go away. I mean, it will, and that’s the problem, but – you know what I mean.” Jerusalem, May 30 – Three teenage suspects in the ...
Read More »Obama Apologizes For Hiroshima Getting Nuked Instead Of Israel
Israel only came into existence in 1948 as a state, and could therefore not be selected as a target when nuclear weapons first became available. Hiroshima, Japan, May 29 – US President Barack Obama paid a historic visit to the ...
Read More »A Land Flowing With Milf And Honey? I Am SO There.
By Zmiri Ben-Salu, Tribe of Simeon Oh, man, this is going to be great. Have you heard? Moses came back from Midian to tel us the LORD is going to take us out of this godforsaken place and bring us ...
Read More »Ministry Of Health Warns Don’t Be That Guy
Hundreds are injured annually as a result of people being That Guy. Jerusalem, May 28 – Increasing public health dangers have prompted the Ministry of Health to issue a warning to individual Israelis not to be That Guy, a ministry ...
Read More »Herzog Still Stalking Netanyahu On Facebook
Herzog has also been observed trying to make a show in Netanyahu’s presence of having a healthy alliance with other MKs. Tel Aviv, May 25 – The week after an acrimonious end to negotiations between Likud and Labor over the formation ...
Read More »Man Insists You Take Bible Literally So He Can Disprove Your Religion
“Back in the day, nobody ever used ‘day’ to mean anything other than a twenty-four hour period.” Minneapolis, May 26 – Local computer technician David Borders knows your belief system is untenable because your holy scriptures can only be understood literally, ...
Read More »Abbas To Convene Estates General
“It will be helpful to His Highness King Abbas to consult with hoi polloi and then do as he pleases to preserve his power.” Versailles, Palestinian Autonomous Territories, May 25 – Faced with an increasing gap between the economic fortunes ...
Read More »IDF Reminds Soldiers Not To Leave Base Without Towel On May 25
An IDF-issue towel of the appropriate color will replace the requisite beret. Tel Aviv, May 25 – The IDF senior command and officials at the Ministry of Defense issued a reminder today that all personnel are to keep on their ...
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