“Have we been consistently on message in that respect?” Burlington, May 24 – Senator Bernie Sanders told campaign staff last night that he still has concerns that he had not made his acceptance of Islamic terrorism sufficiently plain to the electorate, ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionLiberman Sneaks ‘No Brown M&Ms’ Clause Into Coalition Agreement
He hopes to be able to invoke it if the government’s policies and legislation in the coming months do not reflect his wishes. Jerusalem, May 23 – Prospective Minister of Defense Avigdor Liberman managed to surreptitiously insert a passage into ...
Read More »The Opposition May Choose A New Leader. It’s So Cute.
By Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu The Labor Party, not to mention the Zionist Union faction and the Opposition in general, is in the throes of debate over whether Labor chief Buji Herzog should remain the leader of the Opposition – ...
Read More »To Confuse BDS, Israeli Promoters Advertising Made-Up Acts
Bimot is currently laying the groundwork for a supposed performance in Israel by a nonexistent man named Elton John. Tel Aviv, May 22 – Israeli concert promoters sent former Pink Floyd front man and current promoter of an artistic boycott ...
Read More »Samson Nearly Takes Jawbone From BBC Reporter Instead Of An Ass
“It was an understandable mix-up,” said a spokesangel for the supernal realms. Lehi, Dan tribal territory, May 22 – A fearsome Israelite warrior facing a large number of Philistine fighters was unable to tell the difference between a donkey and ...
Read More »France Delays Mideast Peace Conference Amid Double Standard Shortage
Divergent treatment of terrorism targeting Europeans and terrorism targeting Israelis and Jews has strained the double standards inventory in Western Europe. Paris, May 18 – French Minister of Foreign Affairs Jean-Marc Ayrault announced today that his country would postpone the Middle ...
Read More »Incoming Defense Minister Has Never Denied Eating Palestinian Children
“I have never seen Liberman in the same room as the infamously bloodthirsty Vlad Dracula.” Jerusalem, May 20 – Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu is expected to announce in the next day or two that he has appointed as Minister ...
Read More »Report: Sex, Personal Hygiene A Jewish Mind-Control Plot
Refraining from hygiene, as it turns out, also contributes to a reduced likelihood of sex. Atlanta, May 19 – A new study by the Centers for Disease Control suggests that people only engage in sex and personal hygiene practices when ...
Read More »Right-Wing Coalition Dares To Represent Like-Minded Majority
Margalit vowed to fight the strengthened coalition by fomenting disunity and open rebellion in his own Opposition party. Jerusalem, May 19 – Politicians and commentators across the left side of the political spectrum reacted with anger today that the right-wing ...
Read More »Abbas’s Butt Tastes Better Than Netanyahu’s
By Shelly Yechimovich, Labor Party It’s been a trying couple of weeks for the Labor Party in Israel, but we are about to put this chapter behind us, for better or for worse. As I write these words the leader ...
Read More »