“Give the guy a break – he hasn’t updated Twitter at all, and forget about Instagram.” Yavne, April 26 – The newly installed head of the Sanhedrin has yet to upload a more accurate, up-to-date photo for his profile on ...
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“Make every effort not to void bowels until Friday night, once the holiday has formally concluded.” Jerusalem, April 25 – The Chief Rabbinate of Israel will announce next year in advance of the Passover festival that one should abstain from ...
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“It served an important symbolic purpose,” explained Abu Bakr A-Baghdadi, whose meteoric rise to prominence was made possible by the president’s policies. Aleppo, Syria, April 25 – Residents of the Middle East expressed abundant gratitude to US President Barack Obama ...
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IDF search-and-rescue teams conducted several helicopter reconnaissance missions last night and this morning. Hebron, April 24 – Following a visit to every Jewish household to partake of wine from the Seder, an inebriated prophet Elijah has been spotted wandering in Palestinian-controlled ...
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“We were looking for ideas that would convey the same seriousness as when this body addresses Israel.” Geneva, April 20 – On the heels of a resolution ignoring the Jewish pedigree of the Temple Mount in Jerusalem, and accusing Israel ...
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“Buji doesn’t want to be coddled, and he repeatedly insists he can handle himself, but the Seder runs pretty late, and it was already past his bedtime.” Tel Aviv, April 24 – Two days after the Passover Seder, Isaac Herzog still ...
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By Tom the Shabbos Goy Officially my job here at the synagogue is caretaker, but I do more than just custodial work and landscaping. The community pays me just fine, as far as that goes, but I think I it’s ...
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The move will help the unit operating the Iron Dome to conserve energy and resources that would be put to better use defending parts of Tel Aviv that actually matter. Tel Aviv, April 20 – Israel Defense Force technicians have ...
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Israelite leaders Moses and Aaron have yet to comment on the vampires. Memphis, ancient Egypt, April 19 – Observers of the Plague of Blood wrought against the Egyptian Empire are reporting that among the population affected by the calamity, vampires ...
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“The West has plenty of divisions, but they might as well be the pope for all that they’re unwilling to back up their demands with military force.” Moscow, April 18 – The World-War-II-era leader of the Soviet Union expressed puzzlement ...
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