Some committee members wanted to relegate The New Middle East to the humor section. Seattle, May 8 – Internet commerce giant Amazon.com has reclassified a non-fiction work by former Israeli President Shimon Peres about Mideast peace, instead categorizing it as ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionGlobe Warming Because Heavenly Father Won’t Let Anyone Touch Thermostat
“Verily, am I made of money?” intoned the LORD. Supernal Realms, May 8 – Scientists with an ear to the heavens are reporting that, contrary to various studies showing that climate change is occurring as a result of human industrial ...
Read More »Iran To Let Women Choose How Many Men Gang-Rape Them To Death
“Not even the supposedly enlightened, liberal countries of Europe have a law such as this one.” Tehran, May 4 – In a move aimed at making the country and society more progressive, the government of Iran announced this morning it ...
Read More »Security Council Reluctantly Agrees To Address Something Other Than Israel
“Happy now?” asked a sneering Security Council. “There’s your stupid Syria session.” New York, May 6 – The United Nations Security Council engaged in a shouting match with its mother today over tackling issues that are not the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, ...
Read More »PR Expert Suggests Nazis Call Victims ‘Zionists’ Instead Of ‘Jews’
“It requires only a semantic change, not a policy alteration in the slightest.” Berlin, May 5 – A consultant in Public Relations has suggested to the leadership of the Nazi Party that they will encounter less international opposition to their ...
Read More »Hazan Removed From Plenum For Yelling ‘Present!’ As Holocaust Names Read
“He continues to surprise us with his, shall we say, unique interpretation of what is and is not proper in this setting.” Jerusalem, May 5 – A Member of Knesset known for courting controversy has provoked critics again, this time ...
Read More »Hey, Picot, You Have To Come See The Middle East Now
By Mark Sykes, British Diplomat François? You have to see this, François. Look at the areas of the former Ottoman Empire in 2016. Look at the countries we essentially created with a swipe of the pen a hundred years ago. You ...
Read More »Suicide Bomber Attack At Mos Eisley Cantina
A Hamas poster named the bomber as Jarjar al-Binki, 25, of the Shati refugee camp in the Gaza Strip. Mos Eisley, Tatooine, May 4 – A Palestinian suicide bomber detonated his explosive belt inside a landmark watering hole last night, ...
Read More »Bob The Builder Named In Settlement Construction Probe
The allegations may adversely affect the new animated series of Mr. the Builder’s chronicles. Tel Aviv, May 3 – Anti-settlement activists are accusing a prominent international entertainer of actively working on homes for Israeli Jews in areas Palestinians claim for ...
Read More »Holocaust Denier Notes Bible Suspiciously Doesn’t Mention It
“You won’t find it in the Talmud or medieval Jewish sources either.” London, May 2 – Controversial historian Brane Liss pressed his case that the Holocaust was faked, citing the telling lack of any such event in the canonical Jewish texts ...
Read More »