“You won’t find it in the Talmud or medieval Jewish sources either.” London, May 2 – Controversial historian Brane Liss pressed his case that the Holocaust was faked, citing the telling lack of any such event in the canonical Jewish texts ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionPalestinians Cite ‘I Called It First’ Rule To Establish Title To Land
Prominent personalities already noted that calling “Shotgun!” is an accepted method for establishing the right to sit in the front passenger seat of a motor vehicle. Ramallah, May 2 – Referring to a principle commonly invoked in settling certain types of ...
Read More »May 1: Gov’ts Issue Postage Stamp With Large-Font List Of Successful Communist Regimes
It will be available at post offices the entire month of May, or until hoarders and black marketeers make them unobtainable by standard means. London, May 1 – In honor of the international socialist workers’ holiday on this date, governments around ...
Read More »Livni’s Expense Account Sees Uptick In Deodorant Purchases
“Not that there’s anything here that smells wrong.” Jerusalem, April 27 – The Knesset Comptroller’s Office has noticed an increase in the amount of deodorant bought by MK Tzipi Livni in the last three weeks, Knesset observers have reported. The ...
Read More »I Hope That Red Sea Incident Doesn’t Raise My Chariot Insurance Premiums
By Thutmose III, Ruler of Egypt We all have accidents on the roads, even the best drivers. Sometimes circumstances are simply beyond a driver’s control. Given that fact, I’m relying on the insurance company writing off the loss of my ...
Read More »Shock As Soldiers Not Arrested For Shooting Attackers
Yaalon said the IDF cannot sink to the level of its enemies by actually killing people. Kalandia Checkpoint, April 27 – Hours after a pair of Palestinian siblings attacked soldiers here with knives and were shot in the attempt, the ...
Read More »Rabbi Elazar Ben Azaria Still Hasn’t Updated JDate Profile Pic
“Give the guy a break – he hasn’t updated Twitter at all, and forget about Instagram.” Yavne, April 26 – The newly installed head of the Sanhedrin has yet to upload a more accurate, up-to-date photo for his profile on ...
Read More »Rabbis: No Grain 1 Week Before Passover, Lest Pleasure Of Taking Massive Dump During Holiday Result From Chametz
“Make every effort not to void bowels until Friday night, once the holiday has formally concluded.” Jerusalem, April 25 – The Chief Rabbinate of Israel will announce next year in advance of the Passover festival that one should abstain from ...
Read More »Mideast Residents Basking In Paradise That Obama’s 2009 Cairo Speech Ushered In
“It served an important symbolic purpose,” explained Abu Bakr A-Baghdadi, whose meteoric rise to prominence was made possible by the president’s policies. Aleppo, Syria, April 25 – Residents of the Middle East expressed abundant gratitude to US President Barack Obama ...
Read More »Drunk Elijah Wanders Into Area “A”
IDF search-and-rescue teams conducted several helicopter reconnaissance missions last night and this morning. Hebron, April 24 – Following a visit to every Jewish household to partake of wine from the Seder, an inebriated prophet Elijah has been spotted wandering in Palestinian-controlled ...
Read More »