The study strengthens the sense derived from previous research that, no, we won’t tell you, because you can’t then un-know it. Beer Sheva, March 9 – A comprehensive review of available data has concluded that under the circumstances, it would be ...
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Feed SubscriptionHerzog Spends Day Explaining International Women’s Day Doesn’t Refer To Him
“…just so ladylike, is what I mean,” gushed an admirer. Tel Aviv, March 8 – Labor Party and Opposition leader Isaac Herzog was forced to devote much of Tuesday repeatedly explaining to would-be admirers that while they were correct to ...
Read More »We Don’t Need Your Favors, Israel. Now Give Us Everything, Free
By Saeb Erekat Ramallah, March 8 – We Palestinians are a strong, independent people with no need to rely on the illegitimate, sullied hand of Israel to achieve anything. Now give us everything, Israel, or the resulting collapse of the ...
Read More »Terrorism Has Man Thinking Palestinian Resistance Might Not Be Peaceful
He wonders whether maybe the definition of “peaceful” is not as rigid as he had assumed. Hebron, March 7 – Nearly seventy years of Arab Palestinian violence against Jews in Israel has prompted a local man to think that, perhaps, ...
Read More »Mohel Puzzled At Disgust Over ‘Tip Jar’
The man insisted that the tip jar was "disgusting," "rude," and "an affront."
Read More »Sudanese Come To Israel So World Will Care When They’re Mistreated
“It’s such a different feeling,” gushed Mgonna Skwattir, 27, originally from the Darfur region. South Tel Aviv, March 6 – Tens of thousands of Sudanese living in Israel say they fled their native country amid horrific violence and the knowledge ...
Read More »Trump Dangerous For World, Say Europeans Importing Jihad
Trump’s intolerance contrasts with those unwilling to adopt Western values of tolerance, the State’s monopoly on force, or equality. Frankfurt, March 6 – European political and public figures responsible for the influx of countless radical Islamists onto the Continent warned ...
Read More »Study Suggests It Was Jew- Er, Zionists Who Let The Dogs Out
We’re not antisemitic, we swear. Haifa, March 5 – New investigations into an inquiry first raised in the late 1990’s may indicate that the release of canines by previously unknown parties was in fact perpetrated by conspiring Jews- we mean Zionists, ...
Read More »Inexplicably, Those Who Vowed To Leave If Bibi Elected Still Here
Journalists are at a loss to account for the gap between the pronouncements and the reality. Tel Aviv, March 2 – A survey of personalities who proclaimed their solemn intention to depart from Israel and take up residence elsewhere in ...
Read More »Once Obama’s Out We’re Gonna Need Actual Lobbyists In Washington
By Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, Supreme Leader, Islamic Republic of Iran Tehran, March 3 – Barack Obama has ten months left in office. Much can happen in that time, but he has been a stalwart ally in reshaping American policy in ...
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