A further 102% said they should merely be flayed alive, then expelled to the Gaza Strip. Tel Aviv, March 13 – A new survey of Israeli public opinion and attitudes reveals that more than 100% of Jewish citizens believe that ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionAn Interview With Allah
PreOccupied Territory caught up with the Almighty Creator and Ruler of the Universe, and chatted with Him about everything from societal trends to questions of epic historical significance. The following is condensed from the full-length interview. PT: Thanks so much for ...
Read More »ISIS May Have Obtained Holy Hand Grenade Of Antioch
Experts cautioned that it remains too early to establish that IS even knows how to use the weapon, or would want to. Brussels, March 12 – Military analysts in NATO believe the Islamic State may have gained access to advanced ...
Read More »Iran Offers Jews Blood Of Homosexuals For Matza
Jewish leaders have yet to respond to the overture. Tehran, March 9 – In the spirit of what it called religious tolerance for the minorities within its borders, the Islamic Republic of Iran announced today that it would supply the ...
Read More »Pollsters In Iran Find Correlation Between Polling, Imprisonment
“If there is a causal mechanism, what might it be?” Tehran, March 10 – Researchers studying social, political, and demographic trends in the Islamic Republic of Iran have discovered what they claim is a strong statistical correlation between conducting polls ...
Read More »BDS Protesters Using Banners Made In Jewish Settlements
“It was a last-minute choice between standing by our principles and making our voice heard. So of course we used the signs.” Berkeley, March 10 – Advocates of a boycott against Israel have been using placards, signs, banners, and other ...
Read More »Report: Better You Not Know
The study strengthens the sense derived from previous research that, no, we won’t tell you, because you can’t then un-know it. Beer Sheva, March 9 – A comprehensive review of available data has concluded that under the circumstances, it would be ...
Read More »Herzog Spends Day Explaining International Women’s Day Doesn’t Refer To Him
“…just so ladylike, is what I mean,” gushed an admirer. Tel Aviv, March 8 – Labor Party and Opposition leader Isaac Herzog was forced to devote much of Tuesday repeatedly explaining to would-be admirers that while they were correct to ...
Read More »We Don’t Need Your Favors, Israel. Now Give Us Everything, Free
By Saeb Erekat Ramallah, March 8 – We Palestinians are a strong, independent people with no need to rely on the illegitimate, sullied hand of Israel to achieve anything. Now give us everything, Israel, or the resulting collapse of the ...
Read More »Terrorism Has Man Thinking Palestinian Resistance Might Not Be Peaceful
He wonders whether maybe the definition of “peaceful” is not as rigid as he had assumed. Hebron, March 7 – Nearly seventy years of Arab Palestinian violence against Jews in Israel has prompted a local man to think that, perhaps, ...
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