“If I have to listen to that brat crow one more time about ambushing me with a Polaroid and depicting my likeness, I’m going to snap.” Heaven, January 31 – The founder of Islam has submitted a grievance to the ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionAt Least 45 Dead In Unimportant, Non-Israel-Inflicted Bombing
“By reacting to this event I have already departed from my self-imposed ratio of two anti-Israel tweets for every non-Israel-related tweet.” Damascus, January 31 – At least 45 people were killed and dozens more injured in a suburb of the Syrian ...
Read More »Kerry To Female Staff: Wear Burkhas When I Phone Zarif
Kerry will also examine the benefits of removing the Israeli flag from the lobby of the State Department. Washington, January 30 – US Secretary of State John Kerry ordered the women among his office’s staff to don modest attire in ...
Read More »Boy Who Stabbed Cites UN Chief: ‘Human Nature To React To Homework’
The boy’s attorney, Zehavi Gal-Un, blamed the Minister of Education for the incident. Kfar Sava, January 27 – Inspired by United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon’s refusal to condemn Palestinian stabbing attacks on Israelis, a high school senior accused of attacking his ...
Read More »Meretz To Settlers: Stop Attracting Pity By Getting Firebombed
“Choosing to die or sustain life-altering injuries in a manner that does generate sympathy is a demonstration of the lowest form of cynicism.” Jerusalem, January 28 – Leaders of Israel’s political Left warned Jewish residents of Judea and Samaria today ...
Read More »The Jews Aren’t Using Mind Control On Me? Then Explain My Stupidity
By Duncan Lamaar, antisemitic conspiracy theorist I’ve had it with you people who can’t see the reality staring them in the face. You keep living in your delusional world, until it comes crashing down and destroys your precious bubble of denial. ...
Read More »Hamas Blames Death Of 7 In Tunnel On Delay Of Waaambulance
The trouble that resulted from the delay of the waaambulance resulted in the need for more waaambulances, trapping an ever-widening circle of participants in a self-generated disaster. Jabalia, Gaza Strip, January 27 – Gaza Ministry of Health officials said today ...
Read More »Vatican Covers Nudes But Pope Still Kisses Rouhani’s Ass
Iran is the world’s largest state sponsor of terrorism. Vatican City, January 27 – Officials in the Roman Catholic Church expressed shock and disgust today upon discovering that despite extensive preparations to make the artwork at the complex physically modest ...
Read More »NY Times Adds Automatic Editor’s Note To Every Diaa Hadid Submission
Prior to her work with the Times, Hadid wrote for Electronic Intifada, a site known for its anti-Israel and antisemitic prejudice. New York, January 26 – The paper of record will from now on address recurrences of overt and frequent journalistic ...
Read More »Broncos-Patriots Game Apparently Not Only Event In World Yesterday
Rumors included continued fighting in Syria and Iraq, terrorist attacks on Israelis, and something called “ISIL.” Boston, January 25 – Unconfirmed reports from around the globe appear to indicate that Sunday’s American Football Conference championship game between the teams representing ...
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