“Why should I pay the same percentage as those no-good Levites who do nothing productive all day?” Wilderness of Zin, March 2 – Wealthy Hebrews recently given a set of laws governing their emerging society raised objections today to the ...
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Feed SubscriptionPalestinian Anti-Zombie Plan: Blame Israel
“This method has a proven track record.” Ramallah, March 2 – Like most national governments, the Palestinian Authority has developed contingency plans for a number of unlikely scenarios, the better able to confront those events in the unlikely case they ...
Read More »Putin Pleased At Progress Of Plot To Install President Trump
The Terrible Republican Ugly Man for President (TRUMP) project is proceeding according to plan. Moscow, March 2 – Russian President Vladimir Putin congratulated his staff today on the successful completion of yet another phase in the project to undermine his ...
Read More »University Closes Phage Labs; ‘Microaggression’
“Microorganisms in laboratories never provided their consent to be subject to the vagaries of the petri dish.” Tel Aviv, March 1 – A leading research institute has decided to shutter its pathology and microbiology facilities amid concerns that countless acts ...
Read More »Opposition Afraid To Speak Against Bill To Ban Slippery Slope Arguments
“If this bill passes, then any- I mean, what if…” she trailed off. Jerusalem, February 29 – Members of Knesset expressed reservations today regarding their options in upcoming deliberations over a legislative proposal to retroactively prohibit use of the slippery-slope ...
Read More »Lady, Will You Stop Screaming? I’m Trying To Stab People Here
The obstacles are formidable enough without your banshee impression. Jerusalem, February 28 – Ma’am, how is anybody supposed to accomplish anything with you yelling like that at the top of your lungs? I’m trying to stab as many Jews as ...
Read More »Therapist To Help Hamas Men In Collapsed Tunnel Who Feel ‘Trapped’
So far they are still so consumed by their situation. Gaza City, February 28 – The Ministry of Health in the Hamas-run Gaza Strip dispatched social workers and a therapist last night to help treat a group of fighters who ...
Read More »Trump Clearly More Virtuous, Pious Than Pope
“Mr. Trump has demonstrated that our elaborate headgear, indicating religious authority, is no match for that… thing on his head.” Rome, February 27 – Officials in the Roman Catholic Church admitted today that Republican Party frontrunner for the presidential nomination ...
Read More »Openly Homophobic Mideast States Glad They Dodged ‘Pinkwashing’ Slur
“If we stop killing people for their sexual orientation, that would mean creating expectations of enlightened behavior.” Riyadh, February 24 – Muslim countries in the Middle East and beyond that persecute and kill gays voiced relief this week that unlike ...
Read More »Kerry Suggests Giving GOP $100 Billion To Bolster Moderates
After all, it worked with Iran. Washington, February 25 – As the presidential campaign heats up, Secretary of State John Kerry weighed in on the prospect of a Republican victory in November by proposing a repeat of the diplomatic success ...
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