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Consultant: Stabbers Should Skip Middle Man, Just Shoot Selves

Consultant: Stabbers Should Skip Middle Man, Just Shoot Selves

“These recommendations are bound to encounter opposition not necessarily on their merits, but simply because they are new.” Jerusalem, December 23 – An efficiency consultant studying Palestinian societal practices issued a report today examining its policies and suggesting changes, including having those ...

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Only Immigrants And Terrorists Need To Pee

Only Immigrants And Terrorists Need To Pee

By Donald Trump, terrific, amazing billionaire We have to make America great again. Vote for me to become president and we’ll get there faster than you can say, “Multiple bankruptcies.” It’ll be amazing. You’ll never need to pee again. Only ...

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S-400 Missiles Keep Santa Away From Mideast

S-400 Missiles Keep Santa Away From Mideast

“Everyone remembers when Turkey almost shot down Prancer and Dancer two years ago,” said aviation consultant Gary Powers. Latakia, Syria, December 22 – A spokesman for Santa Claus informed children in the Eastern Mediterranean region that he will be forced ...

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Israel Letting Dihydrogen Monoxide Flow Into Palestinian Towns

Israel Letting Dihydrogen Monoxide Flow Into Palestinian Towns

“Dihydrogen monoxide is the cause of deaths for countless people by drowning, electrocution, bodily trauma, and infection, among others,” declared a recent report by Human Rights Watch. Iata, near Hebron, December 21 – Every winter, Sami Abu Jizz knows he must withstand a ...

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Tel Aviv S&M Subculture Torn Over Gag Orders

Tel Aviv S&M Subculture Torn Over Gag Orders

“… but on the other hand, right where my watch would be, I’ve got these welts from the handcuffs…” Tel Aviv, December 20 – Members of this Mediterranean city’s sexual sadomasochism scene say they are of two minds about court-imposed gag ...

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Meretz Was Kind Of Hoping To Recruit Samir Kuntar

Meretz Was Kind Of Hoping To Recruit Samir Kuntar

Kuntar would have brought a valuable perspective born of spending so many years behind bars in the company of people who generally have no real voice in Israel’s parliamentary politics. Tel Aviv, December 20 – Leaders of the Meretz Party ...

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