Istanbul, May 21 – Armenians mass-murdered by Turks during and immediately following the First World War are expressing disgust and shock at Palestinian claims that Israel targets them for genocide, and wonder what controlled substances the Palestinians have been ingesting ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionDefense Ministry Slashes Toilet Training Budget
Tel Aviv, May 20 – Cuts in allocation from the Ministry of Finance have forced the Ministry of Defense to trim some of its programs, and among the first to go down the drain is the toilet training regime of ...
Read More »Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai Disgusted By Marshmallows
Meron, Israel, May 19 – The morning after the annual bonfire festivities in honor of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai, the revered second-century sage expressed revulsion at the practice of using the bonfire flames to roast, Lord help us, marshmallows. Hundreds ...
Read More »Meretz: It’s Racist To Reward Those Who Serve The Public
Jerusalem, May 18 – Parties on the left portion of Israel’s social spectrum are denouncing the Finance Ministry’s recent proposal to exempt from sales tax the first home purchase by anyone who has served in the army or civilian National ...
Read More »Condom Manufacturers Lament Declining Birthright Participation
Jerusalem, May 18 – The makers of latex prophylactics are warily eyeing the downward trend of Birthright Israel registration, as the thinning ranks of those Jewish young adults who have never been on an organized tour of Israel are reflected ...
Read More »Free Will Is Only For White People
By Martin Indyk There’s a very simple reason my team has been trying to blame Israel primarily for the recent breakdown of negotiations with the Palestinians: we can’t expect guilt to attach to Arabs, who are nonwhite and therefore not ...
Read More »Scientists Find Downtown Jerusalem Establishment That Is Not A Coffee Shop
Jerusalem, May 15 – An exhaustive search of retail outlets in Jerusalem’s city center has revealed that there exists one that is not a hoity-toity cafe, researchers from the Hebrew University announced today. Researchers scoured a 400-meter radius of the ...
Read More »ADL Now Swamped By ‘Arabs Are Semitic So They Can’t Be Anti-Semitic’ Comments
New York, May 15 – In the wake of a global survey measuring the prevalence of antisemitism in various countries and regions, the Anti-Defamation League faces a deluge of nitwits questioning the report’s conclusion based on an erroneous understanding of ...
Read More »BDS Unable To Convince Beethoven Not To Perform In Israel
Berkeley, California, May 14 – Advocates of the Boycott, Divest, Sanctions movement against Israel expressed frustration today that their lobbying efforts targeting major cultural figures have yet to elicit a commitment from the world’s most famous composer not to appear ...
Read More »To Assuage Human Rights Groups, IDF To Switch To NERF Bullets
Tel Aviv, May 13 – After a comprehensive review, the Israel Defense Force has identified several areas in which it can do more to avoid violating the rights of Palestinian demonstrators, PreOccupied Territory has learned, including the use of NERF™ projectiles ...
Read More »