Yarmuk Refugee Camp, Syria, February 4 – Syrian troops surround this crowded, dangerous camp as snipers, starvation, and lack of medicine takes the lives of dozens of its residents, but the Palestinian refugees living here are expressing gratitude to their ...
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Feed SubscriptionIsraeli Theorists Posit Cheeses Other Than “Yellow,” “White”
Rechovot, Israel, February 3 – Scientists at the Weizmann Institute of Science have promulgated a theory that is sending ripples through the Israeli dairy industry: that it is possible to manufacture a spreadable cheese that is not “White Cheese,” and ...
Read More »Security Council Demands Israel Stop Being So Goddamn Moral
New York, February 2 – The United Nations Security Council endorsed a statement this morning calling on Israel to stop providing medical treatment to wounded Syrians, saying that the practice conflicts with the negative portrayal of Israel the body wishes ...
Read More »We Won’t Throw Israel Under The Bus Till We Get A Bigger Bus
By Barack Obama I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: we have your back, Israel. If you ever want to see it again, do as I say. There’s been all sorts of talk of my administration throwing Israel under ...
Read More »Chabad House of Mecca To Close
Mecca, Saudi Arabia, January 31 – The joke remains relevant, but poignantly less so now: you might find Coca-Cola in the holy city of Mecca, but you will no longer find a Chabad shaliach. After three years of keeping the ...
Read More »Jerusalem To Shoot Dog Owners Who Fail To Clean Up
Jerusalem, January 30 – Jerusalem Mayor Nir Barkat has announced that he is empowering municipal workers and concerned citizens to shoot the owners of dogs that leave excrement on the ground and neglect to clean it up within minutes. Barkat ...
Read More »Saudi Arabia Outlaws Women
Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, January 29 – The Saudi government announced today it will outlaw women, calling them a threat to the moral fabric of society. As of February 1, anyone in possession of a woman will face fines or imprisonment, ...
Read More »UN Insecurity Council Denounces Self
New York, NY (AP) – Meeting behind closed doors because of what others might think of them, the United Nations Insecurity Council took up the matter of the violence in and around the West Bank and Gaza Strip, and wound ...
Read More »It’s Not Palestine Unless It’s Judenrein
By Mahmoud Abbas, Palestinian Authority President Binyamin Netanyahu has once again raised a non-starter of an idea: let the Israeli settlers remain in their settlements after the land is transferred to the emerging state of Palestine. Of course we Palestinians ...
Read More »Palestinians To Redefine ‘Non-Violence’ To Include Explosives, Knives
The world has long since become used to the idea of euphemistically named programs to kill Jews: the Final Solution; Intifada; Resistance to the Occupation. Ramallah, West Bank, January 26 – Seeking to bolster his standing among Palestinians and wary ...
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