By Mahmoud Abbas, President of the Palestinian Authority The violations of dignity to which Israel subjects us Palestinians daily are hardly news. But perhaps pointing one one more humiliation will finally transform the world’s outrage into action: those Israeli soldiers ...
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Feed SubscriptionNetanyahu Hires Vizzini To Start US War With Iran
Jerusalem, January 16 – Information leaked from Israeli cabinet intelligence briefings suggests that Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu has engaged a Sicilian mercenary to foment a war between the United States and Iran. Long dismissive of American and other international efforts ...
Read More »Raid Of Kashrut Dept. Finds No Evidence Of Competence, Credibility
The Rabbinate’s system, says Ministry spokeswoman Amira L’akum, charged its supervisors with inspecting too many establishments, impairing their ability to adequately supervise any single one. Authorities conducted a raid this morning of the Israeli Rabbinate’s department for supervising and certifying ...
Read More »String of Failures Forces Minister of Apocalypses to Resign
Megiddo, Israel, December 21 (AP) – Following the latest in a long series of abortive global cataclysms, Minister of Apocalypses Mark O’thebiest announced his resignation today, acknowledging ministerial responsibility for the string of non-events. O’thebiest had presided over decades of ministerial ...
Read More »Palestinians, Israeli Settlers Cheer Death Of Old Man On Life Support
Jerusalem (AP) – Upon hearing the news that an eighty-five-year-old man’s heart had stopped beating yesterday, Palestinians and right-wing Israelis burst forth in joy, welcoming the end of life for a person who had been in a vegetative state since ...
Read More »Agency Surprised By Backlash Against Ads Mocking Fat Kids
Tel Aviv (AP) – Publicity firm JCDecaux was taken aback by the completely unforeseen reaction to an advertising campaign that distorted the images of children to make them look excessively overweight. The company found itself unexpectedly on the defensive after ...
Read More »DMV Vows Reforms After Man Emerges In Only 12 Minutes
Visitors to the various bureau offices are expected to spend at least 45 minutes waiting before their number is called. Jerusalem, January 8 – A local man went to the licensing bureau office to obtain a necessary document this morning ...
Read More »Race To Politicize Pope’s Mideast Visit Begins
Jerusalem (AP) – Pope Francis announced yesterday that he would be visiting the Holy Land in May of this year, setting off a scramble among Israelis and Palestinians to score propaganda points in their ongoing conflict and to leverage the ...
Read More »Tragedy Strikes As Gaza Strip Fails To Sink Into Mediterranean
As a consequence, the area continues to suffer from appalling mismanagement, incitement to violence, soaring unemployment, inadequate sewage, and increased radicalization. Gaza City, Gaza Strip, January 5 – The Gaza Strip was not struck by a massive earthquake that separated ...
Read More »World Pulls Jaw Muscle While Yawning At Beirut Bombing
New York (AP) – The world was treated for a pulled jaw muscle today after yawning at the car bombing in a Beirut suburb yesterday. Doctors at New York’s Bellevue Hospital reported that that patient was admitted to the ER, ...
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