They acknowledged the remote nature of such a development in their lifetimes. Tel Aviv, December 22 – A new study confirms a longstanding understanding that prevails regardless of an individual’s progressive or conservative leanings, showing that the vast majority of ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionWaiting For Others To Exit Train Before Pushing In Apparently Too Advanced A Notion For Hi-Tech Nation
Waiting for other passengers to get off the train before pushing one’s way into it appears to lie beyond even the advanced capacity of the Israeli mind. Jerusalem, December 21 – A country that consistently ranks in the top tier ...
Read More »That War Could’ve Been An Email
by King Hussein of Jordan Amman, December 20 – OK, I’ll say it: our efforts were not entirely an exercise in futility, but they were a massive waste of resources, time, and manpower to accomplish next to nothing. In other ...
Read More »Group That Staged Violent Uprising To Keep Out Jews Fleeing Hitler Boasts Of Welcoming Jews Fleeing Hitler
Pro-Palestine advocates cited their forebears’ generosity and contrasted it with what they called Zionist xenophobia and racism. Gaza City, December 19 – Descendants of the people who attacked British and Jewish interests in Palestine before and during the Second World ...
Read More »Suicidal Palestinians Given Bomb Vests
“A plentiful supply of depressed people under our aegis.” Nablus, December 15 – Public health authorities in both the Gaza Strip and the self-rule areas of the West Bank have launched a streamlined process to address a troubling increase in the ...
Read More »Attacker Of Random Jews Glad He Lives When Israel Exists For Pundits To Invoke In His Defense
“Israel didn’t figure into such behavior a hundred or two hundred years ago. We just have a fig leaf for it now, and that feels good.” New York, December 15 – A man arrested today for multiple assaults of Hasidim in Brooklyn ...
Read More »Elders Of Zion Split Over Chazan Who Sang Parts Usually Mumbled
A part of the service that seldom, if ever, features anything but quiet recitation and on a regular afternoon takes perhaps thirty seconds, not the four minutes this rendition required. Jerusalem, December 14 – A rift has developed in the ...
Read More »Anti-Gay Minister Mulls Letting Pride Parade Go On If At Least 3 Attendees Stabbed
“Three Shira Bankis a year is, we believe, a reasonable price to demand in exchange for the parade happening as planned.” Jerusalem, December 13 – A legislator from the far-right fringe of Israel’s politics who has made a staple of his ...
Read More »City Fines People With No Car Who *Would* Have Parked Illegally
Regular parking enforcement will continue as before. Jerusalem, December 12 – The municipal government of Israel’s capital has hit upon an innovative method to increase cash flow into its coffers: issue tickets to residents who do not own a motor ...
Read More »I Get To Reclaim My Ancestors’ Home Because They Sided With A Failed Genocide
by Issa Awad, Palestine Refugee Tulkarm, December 8 – The morality of the situation is clear: my forebears fled Haifa in anticipation of Arab liberators slaughtering the Jews of the city and making ample plunder available, but when that didn’t ...
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