By Shea McKinnon, LGBTQIA2+-, BIPOC-, Latinx-, and persons-with-a-uterus Ally New York, July 4 – Each year on this date the pain compounds, as people of conscience everywhere bemoan the establishment of the worst society in history, with the possible exception of ...
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Feed SubscriptionActivists Scouring Israeli Summer Camps For Violence-Glorifying Resort To Describing Lunch As ‘Brutal Use Of Teeth On Bread’
“Games such as ‘tag’ and ‘Capture the Flag’ induce them to trample the land with their unhygienic, ‘filthy,’ if you will, feet, violating the sensibilities of Palestinians everywhere.” Jerusalem, June 30 – Progressive American NGOs have dispatched researchers to examine ...
Read More »Campaign Operations Derailed By Pollstergeist
The specter of a fifth election cycle has haunted Israel since last year. Tel Aviv, June 30 – New parliamentary elections face Israel in just under five months, and already a destructive paranormal phenomenon has sabotaged several parties’ surveying activity, sources from behind ...
Read More »US Envoy To Ramallah Marks End Of Pride Month With Joint Throw-Gays-Off-Roof Ceremony
The staff had to travel to the Tel Aviv Pride Parade several weeks ago to participate in the more familiar, Western methods of celebrating. Ramallah, June 29 – The Biden administration’s senior representative to the Palestinian Authority spent this morning ...
Read More »Iran Threat: Gov’t Urges Israelis In Turkey To Conceal Nationality By Not Being Rude
“Familiarize yourselves with the concept of a ‘queue,’ a neat line of people who wait their turns for something instead of pushing to the front.” Istanbul, June 28 – Anti-terrorism and defense officials in Jerusalem and Tel Aviv told citizens abroad ...
Read More »Religion Primitive, Says Man Willing To Sacrifice Others For Ideology
“It’s a small price to pay for sustainability,” he explained. “We can afford it, and they can make the sacrifice for something that worthwhile.” Tel Aviv, June 27 – An activist who rails against his people’s spiritual heritage, calling it ...
Read More »Germany Declares Day Following V-E Day ‘Nakba Day’ – ‘It’s What You Do After Genocide Attempt Against Jews’
“The Palestinian Arab reaction has inspired us to cope with our legacy of suffering in the same way.” Berlin, June 23 – German government officials announced today that henceforth, the country will observe the ninth of May to highlight the displacement ...
Read More »Joel Would Be Greatly Disappointed By The Quality Of Food At His Shiva
by Jerry Lefkowitz Forest Hills, June 23 – Oh, Saul, I assume you heard about Joel? Yeah, poor Frieda and the girl are devastated. I just came from paying a condolence call there, and I have to say, Joel would ...
Read More »CPS Alerted After Foods On Child’s Plate Touch
Cases this week included ketchup on French fries that somehow touched a hot dog that already had mustard on it. Jerusalem, June 22 – Municipal authorities opened a new file today on a family in the city following the receipt ...
Read More »Bennett’s Security Detail Relaxes In Knowledge No One Would Bother Assassinating Him
“The main concern with our work right now is letting our skills or procedures get rusty.” Ra’anana, June 21 – The bodyguards of Israel’s prime minister acknowledged today that their job has become less stressful in recent months with the ...
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