“If I remember correctly he said something about seeing an opportunity and going for it like a tiger.” Pittsburgh, February 2 – An joint event with several pro-Palestinian activist groups has managed to secure the participation of a figure of at ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionMy Name Is Mahmoud, And I Like To Cosplay As Indigenous
by Mahmoud Abbas, President, Palestinian National Authority; Chairman, Fatah; Chairman, Palestine Liberation Organization Ramallah, February 1 – Nice to meet you all! My name is Mahmoud, and my favorite pastime involves assuming the trappings of an ancient people with unique ...
Read More »HRW Slams Israel For Removal Of Palestinians From Oncoming Traffic
“Nothing less than ethnic cleansing.” Gush Etzion Junction, January 31 – A leading human rights advocacy group denounced the Jewish State today following an incident in this disputed area south of Jerusalem where soldiers cleared a Palestinian family off the ...
Read More »Arrow Missile Successfully Intercepts Proposal To Cut Exorbitant IDF Pensions
Analysts cautioned that the interception of the threat today does not guarantee other threats to cushy pensions will not emerge. Tel Aviv, January 27 – Senior military officials and officers congratulated one another today on a successful demonstration of an innovative, airborne threat-neutralization ...
Read More »Man’s Wrong Apocalyptic Climate Predictions Overshadow Wrong Apocalyptic Palestinian Violence Predictions
He also wrongly predicted COVID would decimate the population. Tel Aviv, January 26 – A columnist for Israel’s most prestigious newspaper found himself forced to respond today to doomsday forecasts he made regarding climate change that have failed to pan ...
Read More »Man Masters Talmud But Still Doesn’t Know How To Control Banks
Getting one of those users to conduct a polite and productive, let alone coherent, conversation with the Rabbi might not prove feasible. Jerusalem, January 25 – A lifelong student of Jewish lore has learned every folio of both the “Babylonian” ...
Read More »BBC Reports ‘Anti-Muslim Slur’ May Have Preceded 1941 Farhud Baghdad Pogrom
“I’m sure there have been slurs by Israelis that preceded rockets from Gaza, and other terrorist attacks.” London, January 24 – The UK’s leading public journalism institution suggested today that the Nazi-inspired and Nazi-fomented riot in Iraq’s capital during World ...
Read More »Fund Makes Bank By Investing Only In Stocks BDS Urges To Divest
“Any reasonably smart Israel portfolio is going to do well.” New York, January 22 – A securities-trading firm announced today that its most successful package of equity issues for the last five years consists only of shares in companies that ...
Read More »I Forgot You Were Jewish When I Said I Support Your Self-Determination
by Entirée Szyst, progressive activist London, January 20 – Oh, goodness, I’m so sorry. Your ancestry and heritage had totally slipped my mind a few minutes ago, and had I remembered, I’d not have mindlessly agreed that you and your people ...
Read More »Experienced Fan Camps Out 3 Days In Advance To Secure COVID Test
“I just hope I don’t get screwed over the way I did a few other times, and some scalper winds up with all the tests before I can get mine.” Jerusalem, January 20 – A local resident believes his dedication ...
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