“Poor Sarah has to have impossible documentation, but those Bedouin get to live and build whatever they want, wherever they want?” Jerusalem, November 23 – A self-proclaimed heir to a property in the center of Israel’s capital city voiced her ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionPalestinians Assume ‘Black Friday’ Just Another Terrorist Group
“It certainly sounds like one of ours.” Jenin, November 18 – Broadcast, online, and print advertisements touting an annual reduction in prices and augmented inventory to launch the winter holiday shopping season caused some confusion among Palestinians this week, owing ...
Read More »MK Insists Call For Violence Against Jews Just Metaphor For Killing Jews
“Anyone who seeks to draw a connection between my innocent remarks and the entirely legitimate efforts of my people to rid the land of Jews who think they can just be sovereign, and not dhimmi, the way history intended, is ...
Read More »Israel Denounced For Not Providing Food At If Not Now Shiva For Terrorist
“It’s of a piece with the Gaza siege.” New York, November 18 – A progressive group condemned the Jewish State today for neglecting to arrange catering at a mourning ritual for a man who died during an attempt last week to kill Jews. ...
Read More »Rest Of Region Hoping Israel Hurries Up, Occupies Them Already; ‘Could Only Be Better Than What We’ve Got’
“The honor-shame culture of the Arab and Islamic worlds doesn’t give way easily, but I think they’ll come around within a century.” Beirut, November 8 – Residents of the Levant and beyond, who have absorbed more than a century of ...
Read More »NY AG Investigates Unilever Over Ben & Jerry Being Insufferable
An intolerable level of sanctimony and self-righteous preening despite questionable progressive credentials. Albany, November 16 – New York State’s law enforcement arm began an inquiry into the international conglomerate that holds a controlling stake in an ice cream manufacturer with ...
Read More »If You Don’t Let Us Keep Our Land Free Of Jews, You’re Racist
By Mahmoud Abbas, President, Palestinian National Authority (State of Palestine) Ramallah, November 15 – My predecessor Yasser Arafat and I, along with numerous prominent Palestinians, have long proclaimed we will compromise on none of the rights that other peoples enjoy, ...
Read More »Investment Firms Compete For Best Stock-Picking Monkeys
Experts have known for years that monkeys pick stocks as well as experienced analysts. Tel Aviv, November 14 – Securities brokerages and bourse research companies in Israel’s financial and commercial capital began to implement new recruitment procedures today, in reaction ...
Read More »Mossad Running Short On Space To Store Stolen Iranian Rainclouds
“Our own distribution of rainfall is not calibrated to handle an overflow of this magnitude, even accounting for the capacity of the reservoirs behind dams we open each winter to flood the Gaza Strip.” Tel Aviv, November 11 – Israel’s secret intelligence ...
Read More »Activists Demand Chief Rabbi Position Be Opened To Muslims
Exclusive occupancy to date of that office by Jews provides a strong suggestion of discriminatory behavior on the part of those who elect that authority. Jerusalem, November 10 – Civil rights and equality NGOs petitioned the High Court today to ...
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