“I can’t have it both ways, and I’m having a hard time picking which one offers more in terms of attention and emotional valence.” Hebron, Palestinian Territories, February 8 – A conspiracy-minded local resident finds himself caught between two conflicting ...
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Feed SubscriptionLikud Vows Return To Power, Same Policies Against Which It Now Rails
“Right now they’re horrible policies, though, I can tell you that.” Jerusalem, February 7 – Leaders of the largest Knesset faction currently outside of the governing coalition expressed confidence today that it will sweep back into a controlling position, at ...
Read More »Without Antisemitism, Presbyterian Church Unsure How To Attract Members
“I’d be hard-pressed to find a Christian vision and platform that will appeal to enough people unless we also incorporate the deicide charge against the Jews but dressed up as ani-Zionism.” Louisville, February 3 – An American Christian movement constituting part ...
Read More »Violence Against Diaspora Jews Weirdly Ineffective In Convincing Them Jews Don’t Need Israel For Safety
Activists acknowledged such treatment only accelerated the emigration of Jews. Cairo, February 3 – Opponents of Jewish sovereignty in the ancestral Jewish homeland voiced frustration today that their ongoing efforts to demonstrate that Jews do not need that sovereignty, by ...
Read More »Biggest Celebrity Local BDS Rally Can Find Is Ned Ryerson
“If I remember correctly he said something about seeing an opportunity and going for it like a tiger.” Pittsburgh, February 2 – An joint event with several pro-Palestinian activist groups has managed to secure the participation of a figure of at ...
Read More »My Name Is Mahmoud, And I Like To Cosplay As Indigenous
by Mahmoud Abbas, President, Palestinian National Authority; Chairman, Fatah; Chairman, Palestine Liberation Organization Ramallah, February 1 – Nice to meet you all! My name is Mahmoud, and my favorite pastime involves assuming the trappings of an ancient people with unique ...
Read More »HRW Slams Israel For Removal Of Palestinians From Oncoming Traffic
“Nothing less than ethnic cleansing.” Gush Etzion Junction, January 31 – A leading human rights advocacy group denounced the Jewish State today following an incident in this disputed area south of Jerusalem where soldiers cleared a Palestinian family off the ...
Read More »Arrow Missile Successfully Intercepts Proposal To Cut Exorbitant IDF Pensions
Analysts cautioned that the interception of the threat today does not guarantee other threats to cushy pensions will not emerge. Tel Aviv, January 27 – Senior military officials and officers congratulated one another today on a successful demonstration of an innovative, airborne threat-neutralization ...
Read More »Man’s Wrong Apocalyptic Climate Predictions Overshadow Wrong Apocalyptic Palestinian Violence Predictions
He also wrongly predicted COVID would decimate the population. Tel Aviv, January 26 – A columnist for Israel’s most prestigious newspaper found himself forced to respond today to doomsday forecasts he made regarding climate change that have failed to pan ...
Read More »Man Masters Talmud But Still Doesn’t Know How To Control Banks
Getting one of those users to conduct a polite and productive, let alone coherent, conversation with the Rabbi might not prove feasible. Jerusalem, January 25 – A lifelong student of Jewish lore has learned every folio of both the “Babylonian” ...
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