Experts have known for years that monkeys pick stocks as well as experienced analysts. Tel Aviv, November 14 – Securities brokerages and bourse research companies in Israel’s financial and commercial capital began to implement new recruitment procedures today, in reaction ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionMossad Running Short On Space To Store Stolen Iranian Rainclouds
“Our own distribution of rainfall is not calibrated to handle an overflow of this magnitude, even accounting for the capacity of the reservoirs behind dams we open each winter to flood the Gaza Strip.” Tel Aviv, November 11 – Israel’s secret intelligence ...
Read More »Activists Demand Chief Rabbi Position Be Opened To Muslims
Exclusive occupancy to date of that office by Jews provides a strong suggestion of discriminatory behavior on the part of those who elect that authority. Jerusalem, November 10 – Civil rights and equality NGOs petitioned the High Court today to ...
Read More »IMI Sues Kevlar Yarmulke Maker Over Use Of ‘Iron Dome’ Name
A spokesman for IMI stated that the firm will pursue an aggressive defense of its rights. Ramat HaSharon, October 31 – A government-owned Israeli corporation that manufacturers arms and other defense goods took legal action today against a producer of ...
Read More »Country That Kept Lights On To Help German Bombers Find London Upset That Israel Objects To Funding Terrorists
Evidence has so far failed to sway the leadership of a country that happily allowed German spies to attempt entry to Britain from its territory. Dublin, November 17 – An island state to the west of Britain whose government maintained ...
Read More »Palestine Activists Disappointed: Upcoming Kristallnacht Observance Not A Reenactment
“Now what are we going to do with all this gear?” Toronto, November 4 – Students and community figures devoted to fighting Zionism and anyone associated with the movement voiced a sense of letdown today upon discovering that this week’s ...
Read More »We Must Blame Religious Zionists For Rabin’s Assassination To Prevent Division And Hate
By Ofir Tzfonbon Tel Aviv, November 4 – Few moments in Israel’s history carry more power or trauma than does the murder of its prime minister in 1995; none others underscore the need to address the polarization of the country’s ...
Read More »2nd-Grader Suspended For Misgendering Classroom Hamster
Horror upon discovering that the child failed to uphold the hamster’s gender identity, and sought to impose cisgender heterodominant hegemony. Hertzliya, November 3 – Controversy has shaken this middle-class suburb north of Tel Aviv since late last week when a school ...
Read More »Palestinian NGOs Struggle With Concept Of Not Inciting To Murder
“When I ask them to explain the concept of ‘not killing Israelis,’ they look at me like I’m the one who’s talking gibberish.” Ramallah, November 2 – Civil society groups working for Palestinian independence acknowledged difficulty today in comprehending the insistence of ...
Read More »Lapid Names Sister-In-Law To Lead Anti-Nepotism Commission
“We are all too familiar with political jobs and positions running in the family,” he told reporters. Jerusalem, November 1 – Alternate Prime Minister and Yesh Atid Party Chairman Yair Lapid announced today that to combat the scourge of public officials ...
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