“We focus on combating the pernicious influence of girls, chief among them our arch-nemesis Susie Derkins. Now THAT is an entity to boycott.” Chagrin Falls, OH, April 22 – A spokesman for the local chapter of the Get Rid Of ...
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by Mats Larsson, Chair, Nobel Committee For Physics Stockholm, April 22 Dear Sir: We appreciate your submission to the Committee the nomination of Professor Kerry for next year’s Nobel Prize for Physics. Unfortunately, we are forced to request more compelling evidence ...
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“Let me say it again: JEWS. PRAYING. You can just feel the existential threat.” Jerusalem, April 12 – Israeli law enforcement authorities confirmed today that their policies stem from the assumption that Jews engaging in quiet worship rituals near the ...
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Noooooo, my mom has to be the weirdo. Jerusalem, April 20 – A local seventh-grader has concluded that once again, he must brace himself for the awkward, humiliating experience of his mother’s dietary sensibilities juxtaposed with the mainstream junk food ...
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The dilemma facing Samuel carries extra valence in light of the political paralysis plaguing Israel. Ramah, April 19 – The seer most closely associated with the establishment of monarchy in Israel voiced his realization today that the current milieu might ...
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A demonstration of how serious they are about enriching themselves on the backs of their constituents. Ramallah, April 27 – President Mahmoud Abbas of the Palestinian Authority and several other high-ranking officials in his kleptocracy took a page out of ...
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“Who wants three-week-old meat when fresh chametz is all the rage?” Jerusalem, April 15 – Actuaries and gambling analysts released their predictions for the next week, including an item that gives a better-than-three-to-one likelihood that an aluminum pan of brisket ...
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Anti-Zionists fear that they cannot entrust their continued existence to the whims of the majority of their ethnic minority. Berkeley, April 14 – A group of Jews whose ideology denies the centrality, necessity, and morality of Jewish sovereignty, and thus ...
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by Richard Silverberg, Morgan Stanley investment consultant New York, April 13 – Hi, thanks for being so prompt. I know you two are trying to juggle a couple a of hectic schedules, so thank you for being prompt, and I ...
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“He’s been acting weird lately,” admitted a staffer. “I mean, weirder than usual.” Tehran, April 12 – A series of suspected Israeli sabotage activities affecting Iran’s ability to project regional power and develop its nuclear weapons program have also engendered ...
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