Barak Grins, Rubs Palms Together, Updates MySpace Profile

“It makes sense to harness the enduring appeal of MySpace for that purpose.”

Savyon, Israel, August 24 – Just a day after the release of recordings supposedly revealing the last-minute abortion of three strikes on Iran while he served as Minister of Defense, discredited former Prime Minister Ehud Barak licked his lips, rubbed his palms together, giggled with anticipation, and prepared to plunge anew into the public sphere by updating his MySpace profile.

In a sycophantic interview with two journalist biographers, the former prime minister talked up his own resolve and decisiveness in deliberating whether to strike Iran’s nuclear facilities, depicting each instance as if he, a man of valor and courage, were repeatedly thwarted by unworthy, lowlier beings on the political ladder. In so doing, Barak, whose unprecedented concessions to Yasser Arafat led the Palestinian leader to think he could wrest more through a Second Intifada, is apparently laying the groundwork for his umpteenth attempt at a political comeback, say experts, and is taking steps to bolster his standing using media appropriate to the solutions he intends to put forth.

“Barak was ahead of his time as prime minister – Olmert’s proposed concessions several years later didn’t depart substantively from them,” notes political historian Yahoo Napster. “It took until the middle-to-late part of the last decade for Barak’s ideas to gain such legitimacy, so clearly the ideas of that period are of a clarity, and quality second to none. So of course it makes sense to harness the enduring appeal of MySpace for that purpose.”

Sources close to the on-again, off-again Labor Party leader say they have picked up signs that he is looking for ways to piggyback his comeback on the mainstays of last decade’s culture and technology. One colleague, who spoke on condition of anonymity given the sensitivity of the relationship, noticed Barak making diagrams of the space shuttle Endeavour, with marginal notes suggesting a slogan of “launching Israel into the future.”

Another hopeful sign for Barak, says Napster, is Hillary Clinton campaigning for the Democratic presidential nomination, with “inevitability” demonstrating that the cultural and political realities of the 2000’s have perennial compelling relevance. “It’s pretty obvious Barak will be making a comeback, because we’re once again looking at a Beijing Olympics on the horizon, Iraq is in a shambles, Taylor Swift is making headlines, John Kerry is in over his head, a Bush is making news, and people are giving an inordinate amount of attention to Jennifer Aniston.”

“Also, it looks like the region is shaping up for an all-out war between Israel and Hezbollah, and it takes someone named Ehud to mismanage Lebanon,” he noted.