Batman To Visit Israel To Learn Combat With Umbrellas, Selfie Sticks

Experts say acquiring combat skills with an umbrella, in particular, would constitute a poetic achievement of sorts for Batman, one of whose arch-nemeses is the umbrella-wielding Penguin.

Gotham City, October 14 – The vigilante crime fighter of this troubled municipality has announced plans to travel to Israel to pick up hand-to-hand combat skills from the civilian populace, the Gotham City News reported today.

Batman, also occasionally known as the Dark Knight, is known for his proficiency in martial arts and the clever use of gadgets to overcome foes in various non-lethal ways, but reportedly told the newspaper that recent developments in Israel led him to conclude that there are still useful techniques for taking down bad guys that he had yet to learn, among them the improvised use of everyday objects such as selfie sticks and umbrellas to subdue criminals in the midst of a violent spree. Israel is in the midst of a spate of attacks, mostly stabbing attempts, by Arabs, and several of the attackers have been neutralized and captured by civilians who used little more than what they had on hand until armed police or soldiers arrived.

Experts say acquiring combat skills with an umbrella, in particular, would constitute a poetic achievement of sorts for Batman, one of whose arch-nemeses is an umbrella-wielding criminal known as the Penguin. However, unlike that portly villain, the Israeli who used such an implement had not altered it to be an umbrella-shaped gun. Beating the Penguin at his own game would provide Batman with a moral victory over one of his most implacable foes.

According to the Gotham City News report, the Dark Knight declined to say when he would make the trip, obviously unwilling to give criminals an opportunity to wreak havoc in his obvious absence. His sidekick Robin, and occasional ally Batwoman, can generally handle everyday crime-fighting, but experts believe Batman is loath to risk leaving the city only in their hands in case of another escape by the Joker from the criminal asylum where he is imprisoned, or the reappearance of other enemies such as the Riddler, Mr. Freeze, Two-Face, Poison Ivy, or Bane.

A third terrorist was subdued in Jerusalem this week by a man wielding nunchaku, but the experts said Batman mastered the use of that weapon long ago. “It’s specifically the most unorthodox weapons that the Dark Knight is interested in,” said Vicki Vale, a journalist who studies the vigilante. “Fists, feet, and brains will always remain Batman’s weapons of choice, but he recognizes the importance of piking up new, potentially useful skills wherever he can.”

Vale predicted that given the political sensitivity of the term in the Middle East, Batman was unlikely to respond positively in this context to references to him as the Caped Crusader.