Better Candy For Celebrating Jewish Deaths Was Available In Gaza Before The Siege

By Jaswan Qiljous

Khan Younis, April 12 – You don’t hear it often, but many of the older generation here speak with nostalgia for the time before 2005 when Israel removed all its soldiers and settlers from this territory. The authorities frown on such an attitude, of course; therefore only the boldest of the speakers share the sentiment out loud, the ones secure in their elderly status in a society that still harbors some reverence for the aged. Such recollections refer to multiple aspects of the contrast between then and now, but mainly the relative freedom of expression, the relative economic prosperity, and the better bureaucracy that prevailed under Israeli control. I, on the other hand, focus on the lamentable decline since then in the quality of sweets we distribute whenever a heroic operation takes the lives of Jews.

You used to be able to get better stuff for celebrating Jewish misfortune when Israel controlled Gaza, is what I’m saying. We’re starving now by any means, mind you; Israel’s “blockade” lets through all the food and medicine anybody has the money to buy. And plenty of us do buy, especially the ones with enough connections to Hamas that we get in on some of the kickbacks and other lucre. But when the Jewish settlers were here, they used to bring in some good, good stuff that’s just unavailable now. Buying a Bonjour Bakery frozen chocolate croissant, painting it and baking it to perfection, then eating it or giving it away to mark the glorious deaths of infidels at the hands of our holy martyrs – can’t do that now. Turkish delight is fine; knaffeh is a confectionary workhorse; but the selection just isn’t the same as it was under military occupation.

I specifically remember special line of chocolates that the settlers – so many of them adhering to stricter religious observance than their more-liberal countrymen – brought in this time of year, before Passover. I’m no expert on the details, but apparently some wouldn’t eat chocolate during the holiday if it contained soy lecithin, which meant importing not the stuff manufactured in Tel Aviv or Ramat Gan, but the stuff from Switzerland, where the Rabbinate made sure the manufacturer didn’t use that ingredient. They brought in a whole variety of pralines that just weren’t available the rest of the year – and of course those made for a better medium of celebrating our efforts to destroy the Zionist regime than the mediocre selection we have now. It’s almost not worth fomenting deadly violence anymore.

Almost.

Please support our work through Patreon.